Back In Malaysia!

430pm..
I am currently in coffee bean alone~

Yea,
I just reached coffee bean~
with my coffee vanilla, ice blended...
I know I shouldnt be here at this time this moment...
since I need to go home at dinner time~
It is quite far from my house...
but...
today...
I need to come here...
I need to get myself sometime
to relax...
to escape?
to make myself feel a little bit more....
myself?... =)

I am fine...
no worries k?

To be frank,
I really feel so depress..
I really feel so sad..
I really feel like....
"when am I goin to emotional breakdown again?"

after back from aus trip...
I feel worry..
I feel down...
Well, of course not when my dear is with me..

The aus trip really like a sort of fairy tales? or haven for me to escape from lots of responsibility and problems..
In aus, I don't need to worry about anything..
ANYTHING!
with lots of fun & lots of cares from my dearest cousinss...

aikss...
Back in reality...
Face the truth~

back in malaysia,
the 1st ever thing I need to do is...
IMU enroll procedure...
money... cert... decision...

Today, I just went to bank & settled the tuition fees...
lots of money...
Cash...
I count the cash, I see the cash...
not a brand new notes..
but old used notes...
I can see how hard my dad earned these money..
I counted , my heart hurt double~

but dis is not why I feel so sad today...
><

Last night...
While I sleeping~
my phone rang...
is dad~
"for sure he drank... for sure I wil be sad soon.."
yea I knew tat when I saw tat he is calling me...
I didnt feel hate..
I jz feel tat he is goin to tell me his prb..
I should be happy bout tat..
because he choose to call me..
he loves me... he trust me..
but why... wat is in his mind...
wont feels tat dis is jz a little bit cruel to me?

yea... he told me his prb...
he told me his feeling...
he appologize to me..
he said he knows...
he knows tat I wish to go oversea..
but he said.. his choice that wana put me by his side all the while...
he wan me to acc him..
he wan me to acc the family..
perhaps, he is ready for the worst to come...
this will be the time that i need to bear the responsibility...
i cant jz go to oversea & leave my family behind..
yea... is true... I accepted tat...

other than this..
he told me...
something...
that wil seriously make me depress...
how could a father..
told his daughter that he feels like dying...
he dont feel happy at all..
he never felt happiness anymore...
he just feel like dying...
he wan to die...
he reali wish to die...
.........................
I really dont noe how to explain wat he told me...
I really dont noe how to respond to his words...
I really dont noe wat should I do...
dis is not the 1st time tat he told me he is not happy at all..
I know.. I really know...
but I cant help...
after hang up the phone~
I cringe in pain..
tears flowing...
until I fell asleep...~

recently, he told me tat he felt heart pain...
so painful so painful that he dont noe wat to do...
I asked him to go for a body check up...
he said he will...
but I dont noe whether he is going onot..
I just called him up~
wanna remind him to go for a medical check up
but he didnt pick up the phone~
...~~~~
will rush him for a medical check up soon~

_________________________________________________________


Dear frens...
I know you might feel tat I very pity...
but dont..
pls..
the purpose I having a blog is to let me feeling out...
so that I can feel a little bit more relax...
but not all keep inside myself~
I seldom blog something happy~
but something sad...
I am sorry yea...
^^

dont come to visit my blog if u feel sad...
haha! i dont wan you to sad for me...
coz I know..
I know my story is always hurtful...
^^

but no scare de laa!!
I can always face these all problems~
I can always get through them with a sweeeet smile =)
k? I promise...

by the way,
babie,
I hope you won't read this blog until u come back from taiwan..
cause I know, I will put you into bad mood...
no matter how my mood goes, i know urs wil follow~
never feel guilty to me k?
I can face all this on my own,
I just nid you to enjoy ur trip to the max..
not worry bout me! ><
plssss.......
*hugs* ><
i miss u a lot! =)
waiting for u to come back yea! ^^

well, to my lovely baobei biaoge, ruyun & john~
thanks for giving me lots of cares & fun during my aus trip k?
I love you all very much!!!!!!!!!!
miss you all a lot a lot~
& those sweeeet dayss....
i will always keep them in my mind~
no scare de la!
we will meet soon~!!! XD
*hugs*

&...
my darnie....
you are always there for me...
thanks a lot!
seriously...
you comfort me...
you listen to me~
even you are in KL all the time~
^^ *hugs*

& peinee!!!!!
miss u a lot nia~~
hahahaha!!
dont cry after you see dis blog leiii!!
silly~~~ ><

I will blog bout my aus trip soon~
I hope I can hav so much time to blog it...
coz it's a lot!!
hahaha!!





TATA!









*hugs* for myself~ =)




no worry to all my babies frens...
I will always love myself...
^^
*muacksxx*