人生无常

短短的两个星期
发生了很多事情
也把我命运改变了

一直认为自己已经很幸福了
不敢再要求什么
还是我太嚣张了？天要惩罚我？
我错了吗？我做错了什么
拜托 可以告诉我吗？
我改 我什么都改
请不要对我那么残酷
我真的很痛苦
不要把所有原本属于我的东西给抢走
我还剩些什么呢...

生在黄家
我一直都认为那没什么不好
虽然'家'不是很完美
但至少还算是一个完整的家
从小我什么都不缺
大家疼我
不开心的事 时时都会有
我可以接受 觉得那是应该的
自己得受点罪
伤心往内吞 辛苦往内吞
我什么都看不见 什么都听不见
只要我还拥有这个家
我什么都不介意
环境多糟 我都能接受
只要爸爸妈妈哥哥 是爱我的
我真的觉得足够了

人并不是十全十美的
我懂 所以我珍惜
我懂 所以我爱
我懂 所以我不贪心

从小 我自己摸索
自己读书
自己懂事
妈妈让我了解'忍耐'的含义
爸爸让我了解'责任'的重要性
世上不是事事都顺心
世上不是事事都开心
只要换个角度
心情就会好多了

如今发生的事情
却是我奋斗多年 很不想遇到的事

人生无常

谁懂事情表面上很好
但 不好的事正在背后发展得迅速
下一秒钟 什么都可能变了
谁晓得...


我 就领悟了

我没事，别担心...

我很伤心

心痛得无法形容

很累 我真的很累

为什么噩运缠绕我不放

我真的很累

我无出可逃

刚睡醒 却感觉不到自己的存在

我很想晕了过去

很想一睡不醒来/什么事都没发生过

但 那是不可能的

我不懂我自己怎么了

我太伤心了

却不懂还能做些什么

我哭不出了 眼泪往哪流？

我漫无目的

梦也破碎了

面对事实...













为什么要对我那么残酷...
我受得了吗？




我一生注定如此吗?
我认了...




我没事，别担心... =）






我还可以撑得住...

I can make it through!

There's too many things in my mind..
there's too many things to blog..

I can't tell all of them once..
I can't solve all of them once..

All you need to know is..
I will get through all of this by my own..
I will get through all of this great!

who's right, who's wrong..
that doesn't matter anymore..

All I know is..
I have to depend on myself starting from now onwards!

Well of course, u just need to stay by my side~
& support me no matter how many times I fall..

promise? =)





don't worry guys..
I am tough~ ^^

I love my blog~ ^^

My blog
the place that I always seek for a peaceful mind & feeling...

Every time,
even I don't feel like blogging
I will let it open there~

I don't know why...
maybe this is the only place that I can spit out everything in my heart...
where I can have my very own feeling~
without worry about anything...

=)
& I actually love the music~
"twinkle twinkle little stars.." ><
my very own lullaby......
it's so soothing... (thanks to john)
thanks to ah po for create this blog for me too!!


the very deep inside my heart...
the very true of my feeling...


everytime I read back my previous entries...
I don't really remember how could I actually wrote them out~
& everytime I read them~
it's a kind of feeling that I can't describe~
as if I was not the one that wrote them~ =)


I don't actually have point in this article, right?
LOL! ignore me~ XP


I am lost!!! not cause of anything~~
just~ I have nothing to do!!
life without aims is really making me @@...
the feeling is making me cringe~! issh!!

aaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
what should I do?



dear all..
families, babes, friends...
I love you~ =)


goodnight,
the world...

Once again....

Once again..
there was a family meeting...

this time, the time to pay my tuition fees....

eldest bro is just came back from UK
he is going to work in singapore...
I don't know what's that made him checked my college registration...
tell me....
are you true-hearted?
I really need to know that...

last night,
I dreamt about him...
I dreamt that he is actually loves me...
he is actually loves the families..
he is actually true hearted...

in the sort of family meeting
to talk about my studies...
he told me that
he is actually worrying about me
whether I can cope with the life in oversea
different language, different seasons, different cultural...
on the spot, I felt that it is actually funny...
why look down on me...
I am not that weak...
or... "are you really worry about me?"
tell me...
are you really worrying about me
or you are just trying to stop me from going oversea!
tell me brother...
you know I really hope to get your attention...
but not in this way...
not in this way....
it is my future....

I know you went UK
I know that you actually worked hard to get what you own now
I know you are smart...
I really respect you...
it's always so proud to say that
"my eldest bro is a doctor, he is just came back from UK!"
dad keep telling me about you..
he said it's really a hard time for you when you working in uk...
and so so so on...
well, although... i don't even know which uni you previously studying...
which city you actually worked in...
I am sad.... I feel so ashamed...
you are my brother... but I know nothing about you...

in the meeting...
although you keep telling me about my college, my irish degree...
I found that, this was the 1st time I actually look into your eyes...
you are actually smart!
your thkin is definitely more mature than 2nd bro...
all the while 2nd bro was just talking about money...
but you actually explained things one by one to me...
you are actually small in size & you are actually fit~
you are fair.. & you are good looking... =)

on the other hand,
yea... actually I a bit disappointed on my 2nd bro....
few weeks ago, when I talked to dad in office...
I saw... with my eyes... that... how you treat dad...
I am really so angry that time...
I stared at him... which normally I don't even dare to look into his eyes...
I feel so sorry to dad... I feel so sad for dad...
2nd bro...
all I wan to say is...
you are only 24, there's still lots of things that you need to learn from dad...
you are not mature enough...
I am sorry to say that...
you really disappoint me a lot...
i know i shouldnt say this...

during the meeting,
2nd bro was actually...
I don't know how to say it...
he was sort of like....
said "since it's no difference, why need to waste so much money?"
"why don't just take locally?"
"you know your course really need a lot money?! we don't have so much money"
"Dr is dealing with life,it's not kidding" - I feel funny that he said this...
am I showing not respect to him? I don't know...
he really disappoint me... he hurts me...
that time, I didn't even answering or listening to him...
cause I know, all he wan is just money!!
I can see it clearly on him that he is just wan me to stop dreaming about going oversea!!!!!!!!!!
T.T

"do you thk that there's no difference whether I study locally & coming back from oversea?" " yes" both of them answering..
I speechless... I don't wan to talk much..
cause I don't wan them to thk that I show no respect to them..
"in the end, all is just about money right?" I said this softly with my head look down.. I guess dad didn't heard this...
"can put it tat way too.." eldest bro answered me...
I speechless.. I tried so hard not to cry in front of them...

_______________________________________________________________________

back in home,
I cried... I tried to hide from mum..
I told mum it's complicated...
i tried to read the new story book that I just bought it...
but all the while I was crying...
& suddenly my mum saw...
& she got angry cause she thought that they ( brothers ) don't wan to let me continue my studies oversea..
while i crying, i can't explain to her...
& she called dad.. & she even drove out...
my own brother immediately asked me to stop mum from making things more complicated...
yea.. i called n mum came back...
dad too~
I was so scare that my dad will scold me of being so weak...
but...instead....
he hugged me.... he asked me not to thk negatively...
he told me that final decision is on me...
they can't do anything... but just make thing clear...
I was really touched....
my dad.... he really loves me a lot~
a lot like... A LOT~!
i loves him much much much too!!
I can see that he earned money by his hard work...
just to make sure I can get the best education...
dad, you are so bravo!! I always wish that I can be the best for you...
=)

_______________________________________________________________________

today,
I actually went to see my lecturers...
I hope that I can make things cleared by asking them...
& they really did help me a lot...
they gave me assurance...
they gave me my answer...
they actually support me...
& I really feel so touched by what they offered me...

3 of my lecturers actually discussed about my problem b4 I met up with them..
since I told Dr loo... & she was the one who suggested me to talk to Dr annie..
& when Dr annie received my text ( for appointment ) , she actually knew that I had talked to Dr loo & she actually went & asked her...
this really makes thing easier for me.. as I no need to explain everything all over again... that might probably activate my tears glands~ ><

they talked to me..
they comfort me...
they listened to me patiently..
they even offered to talk to my dad personally if my dad need some assurance...
this really makes me feel like...
I am not alone...
I am actually blessed...
I am actually right on my own decision!!

I am really really so glad...
so glad that I met my lecturers...
Dr chong, Dr annie & Dr loo...
seriously...
THANK YOU!!! ( other than this, I don't know what can I say anymore...)
=)
I promise to continue my hard work in the future...
& I will try my best not to let you down ^^

______________________________________________________________________

Dad,
thanks for being so supportive...
thanks for everything that you give me...
I really love you a lot...
you are greatest in the world!!
& I will never let you down!!
=)

Mum,
.....
there's so much so much that I can't even write down here..
you just need to wait..
I will bring back my victory
& you wil have no worries in life!


My own brother~
I loves you too!!!
you are getting lovely!!!
muacksxx!!
& we are getting closer!! ><
you can do it!! I trust u~ XD

_______________________________________________________________________

Me, myself~
I want to be a doctor!
not because that I want to compare with them~

Me, myself~
I want to be a doctor!
because it's challenging!!

don't ever think that I am weak...
everyone was weak~
before they are strong!!

you know what I mean.

X.O.X.O~

guys, no worries bout me~
I am a tough gal~
& ....
I AM ALWAYS CHEERFUL!!
XD


Life is all about falling & standing up firm on our feet again~
^^

Emo owhh~~! ^^

突然的心烦...
突然的胡思乱想

突然觉得自己很渺小
突然觉得自己不重要

突然觉得没自信
突然觉得自己很差劲

突然想哭
但 今天的我
哭了很多

自从那次
好久都没哭不停了
哭了 收声
突然傻傻的又哭了 又自己收声了
来回大概哭了三次
傻瓜...

今天考得不好
肚子痛了
止痛药没效
考试前，我走到老师面前
还没开声 老师双手握着我的手臂
就像给我安慰 说道，是不是不舒服了？
是啊...当时的我快哭了...
最难的试卷 我又肚子痛了...
已经没把握了 加上肚子痛
肯定完了...

MCQ Paper
努力的试着专心回答问题...
肚子少少的痛 没关系的
突然 一粒糖果出现在我考卷上
抬头 Dr.Loo递着糖果给了我一个安慰的微笑
连忙说谢谢 回了一个微笑 继续回答问题...
Dr.Loo 一直以来都跟我很好
从A Level教我到现在 是个好老师
那粒糖果 让我很感动...

接下来 short essay questions
一小时要回答8题
我根本没时间
没时间肚子痛 没时间可以想
我懂我自己在写什么
没有point 想不到重要字眼...
我也来不及做完
虽然没有放弃 但 时间不够
我也想不到了
有些只写mainpoint 没有解释

交了考卷 放空...
应该很开心 但我没有
考完了main subject
剩下的 不难了
基本上可以轻松了 开心了
...

肚子痛...

回到家
趴在床上 放声大哭咯~
哈哈 piao被吓到
一直说我会考很好的
什么幸运星都出来安慰我
："好笑..." 我回答~
继续哭~~ =)

过后 他们出门了
一个人在家 又哭了~
妈妈打来了 不可以哭
我忍~
他以为我是肚子痛到哭了
问我要不要他来照顾我
哈哈~ 感动到~
还以为妈妈会担心我的考试
原来我才是最重要的 =)

。。。

我美吗？
我长痘痘丑丑了吗？
我卷发很乱吗？
我穿这样出门吃宵夜可以吗？

我就是我啊，再丑的我还是我啊...
不喜欢就别看啊... =)


我重要吗？