Once again....

Once again..
there was a family meeting...

this time, the time to pay my tuition fees....

eldest bro is just came back from UK
he is going to work in singapore...
I don't know what's that made him checked my college registration...
tell me....
are you true-hearted?
I really need to know that...

last night,
I dreamt about him...
I dreamt that he is actually loves me...
he is actually loves the families..
he is actually true hearted...

in the sort of family meeting
to talk about my studies...
he told me that
he is actually worrying about me
whether I can cope with the life in oversea
different language, different seasons, different cultural...
on the spot, I felt that it is actually funny...
why look down on me...
I am not that weak...
or... "are you really worry about me?"
tell me...
are you really worrying about me
or you are just trying to stop me from going oversea!
tell me brother...
you know I really hope to get your attention...
but not in this way...
not in this way....
it is my future....

I know you went UK
I know that you actually worked hard to get what you own now
I know you are smart...
I really respect you...
it's always so proud to say that
"my eldest bro is a doctor, he is just came back from UK!"
dad keep telling me about you..
he said it's really a hard time for you when you working in uk...
and so so so on...
well, although... i don't even know which uni you previously studying...
which city you actually worked in...
I am sad.... I feel so ashamed...
you are my brother... but I know nothing about you...

in the meeting...
although you keep telling me about my college, my irish degree...
I found that, this was the 1st time I actually look into your eyes...
you are actually smart!
your thkin is definitely more mature than 2nd bro...
all the while 2nd bro was just talking about money...
but you actually explained things one by one to me...
you are actually small in size & you are actually fit~
you are fair.. & you are good looking... =)

on the other hand,
yea... actually I a bit disappointed on my 2nd bro....
few weeks ago, when I talked to dad in office...
I saw... with my eyes... that... how you treat dad...
I am really so angry that time...
I stared at him... which normally I don't even dare to look into his eyes...
I feel so sorry to dad... I feel so sad for dad...
2nd bro...
all I wan to say is...
you are only 24, there's still lots of things that you need to learn from dad...
you are not mature enough...
I am sorry to say that...
you really disappoint me a lot...
i know i shouldnt say this...

during the meeting,
2nd bro was actually...
I don't know how to say it...
he was sort of like....
said "since it's no difference, why need to waste so much money?"
"why don't just take locally?"
"you know your course really need a lot money?! we don't have so much money"
"Dr is dealing with life,it's not kidding" - I feel funny that he said this...
am I showing not respect to him? I don't know...
he really disappoint me... he hurts me...
that time, I didn't even answering or listening to him...
cause I know, all he wan is just money!!
I can see it clearly on him that he is just wan me to stop dreaming about going oversea!!!!!!!!!!
T.T

"do you thk that there's no difference whether I study locally & coming back from oversea?" " yes" both of them answering..
I speechless... I don't wan to talk much..
cause I don't wan them to thk that I show no respect to them..
"in the end, all is just about money right?" I said this softly with my head look down.. I guess dad didn't heard this...
"can put it tat way too.." eldest bro answered me...
I speechless.. I tried so hard not to cry in front of them...

_______________________________________________________________________

back in home,
I cried... I tried to hide from mum..
I told mum it's complicated...
i tried to read the new story book that I just bought it...
but all the while I was crying...
& suddenly my mum saw...
& she got angry cause she thought that they ( brothers ) don't wan to let me continue my studies oversea..
while i crying, i can't explain to her...
& she called dad.. & she even drove out...
my own brother immediately asked me to stop mum from making things more complicated...
yea.. i called n mum came back...
dad too~
I was so scare that my dad will scold me of being so weak...
but...instead....
he hugged me.... he asked me not to thk negatively...
he told me that final decision is on me...
they can't do anything... but just make thing clear...
I was really touched....
my dad.... he really loves me a lot~
a lot like... A LOT~!
i loves him much much much too!!
I can see that he earned money by his hard work...
just to make sure I can get the best education...
dad, you are so bravo!! I always wish that I can be the best for you...
=)

_______________________________________________________________________

today,
I actually went to see my lecturers...
I hope that I can make things cleared by asking them...
& they really did help me a lot...
they gave me assurance...
they gave me my answer...
they actually support me...
& I really feel so touched by what they offered me...

3 of my lecturers actually discussed about my problem b4 I met up with them..
since I told Dr loo... & she was the one who suggested me to talk to Dr annie..
& when Dr annie received my text ( for appointment ) , she actually knew that I had talked to Dr loo & she actually went & asked her...
this really makes thing easier for me.. as I no need to explain everything all over again... that might probably activate my tears glands~ ><

they talked to me..
they comfort me...
they listened to me patiently..
they even offered to talk to my dad personally if my dad need some assurance...
this really makes me feel like...
I am not alone...
I am actually blessed...
I am actually right on my own decision!!

I am really really so glad...
so glad that I met my lecturers...
Dr chong, Dr annie & Dr loo...
seriously...
THANK YOU!!! ( other than this, I don't know what can I say anymore...)
=)
I promise to continue my hard work in the future...
& I will try my best not to let you down ^^

______________________________________________________________________

Dad,
thanks for being so supportive...
thanks for everything that you give me...
I really love you a lot...
you are greatest in the world!!
& I will never let you down!!
=)

Mum,
.....
there's so much so much that I can't even write down here..
you just need to wait..
I will bring back my victory
& you wil have no worries in life!


My own brother~
I loves you too!!!
you are getting lovely!!!
muacksxx!!
& we are getting closer!! ><
you can do it!! I trust u~ XD

_______________________________________________________________________

Me, myself~
I want to be a doctor!
not because that I want to compare with them~

Me, myself~
I want to be a doctor!
because it's challenging!!

don't ever think that I am weak...
everyone was weak~
before they are strong!!

you know what I mean.

X.O.X.O~

guys, no worries bout me~
I am a tough gal~
& ....
I AM ALWAYS CHEERFUL!!
XD


Life is all about falling & standing up firm on our feet again~
^^