Sorry...

She is goin back tmr.
while studying, all the scene flashed across my mind, i feel so sad..
i am reali so sad...

During these few days,
I noe.. I noe i've been treating her badly...
I trying so hard to push back my temper on her, I trying to be good to her...
but everytime, when my words hurt her, I can see it in her eyes, only i knew, I am wrong...
I noe i'm wrong.. I noe I shouldnt hav talk so impatiently to her...
& I tried to talk better everytime after i said something harsh to her...
in a way tat hope she can feel better...
but i noe, it wouldnt be better.

I tried to make her feel happy..
At least i am trying...

I cooked her spagethi, in the late night, coz she hav been telling me tat she miss the spagethi tat i cooked..
I brought her out for dinner, coz she had been cooking throughout the days...
I gav her a lil money jz hope tat she can make good use of it...
& of course, she had been using a lot to buy groceries n vege during these few days...
I did all these, perhaps, because I feel so sorry to her...
of being so cruel... such a bad daughter of her...

somebody told me...
watever she had done, I cant change anything...
jz because she is who she is, I must treat her nicely...
jz because she is too lonely...
jz because she nid us....
jz because...
I love her.

no matter how bad she is personally...
she treat me like a tofu, I shouldnt hav treat her like a stone...


I'm wrong...
I'm sorry...

please, wait for me...
I promise i'll giv u a better life...




sorry that I dont hav the gut to tell u
"sorry..." ...

sick?

-History Taking-

Have been sick for 2 weeks...
From the very first day in the clinic kesihatan, I felt the dryness n pain in my throat...
back in lecture, felt so painful until I cant concentrate in class
went to buy lozenges n it really made me feel better..
at night, fever... took paracetamol...
woke up in the middle of the night, suffer..
paracetamol again..
skipped class...
byebyefever...
fever went off after 3 days..
headache for a few more days...
byebyefever again...
almost a week~
sore throat finally went off..
but coughin with lots of phlegm...
oh ya.. lost my voice once...
coughin until woke up... flu~
finally decided to go to doctor after around...
9days?

*During the diagnosis, I can apply my knowledge from current lecture again..
telling a proper history, n she did a general phyical examination on me,
auscultation, palpation, sign and symptoms...*

bad sore throat at the back of throat, phlegm at my nasalpharynx, & to told me that i have sensitive nose n throat.... @@
took antibiotic (amoxicillin), flu (loratadine?) & lonzenges (difflam) given by doc..
but not any cough mixture or cough suppresant~ @@
cough until today...
phlegm turning back into colourless~
but stil coughin... super itchy throat...
havent finish my antibiotic..
always skipped the morning one as i always wake up late~
n sometimes dont even take my proper meal~ =X


sometimes...
I feel good to fall sick..
at least, ther's a reason for me to run away from something..
at least, ther's a conversation btw us...
at least, she will start worry bout me n at least giv me a call...
at least, she wil talk to me...
at least, it makes everyone forget about something n turn to me...
at least, ther's stil a connection....



I need a medical check-up...

I reali dont mind if anything happen on me, n everything back to normal...
which i use to love...
love, warm, peace... healthy....

*please....*


_____________________________________________


Last sem, microbiology~
~I got an either staph or strep infection on my hand
n someone around me got fungus infection ( which i can apply my knowledge, correctly name out the med that doc goin to prescribe her )

Next, Atherosclerosis, thrombus, embolus~
~ My dad got admitted into hospital.. & he got stroke...

Before sem 3, which i goin to read about CVS~
~ My grandma passed away coz of heart attack + Deep vein thrombosis...

& I was thkin, it woulnd't be so "scary"... since i havent start my sem on CVS..

Then, half-way studying CVS~
~ my uncle got admitted into hospital due to angina... & he nid a CABG... which i was learning...



Godddddddd~~~~

I'm praying... hope that the surgery go all well n fine... N I will apply my Cardiac Rehabilitation lecture on him....


Next week, I'm goin to start a new body system... Respiratory system.. :S
choi choi choii!!!

><






Everything will be fine~
<3





*I can't change the world, I can't change others... but I do can change myself, to a better one? or a worse one? or I shall remain the same...*

-hugs-

my haven, twinkle twinkle little star...

I won't be here, until the sadest moment...

yea.. I'm reali sad... I'm reali frustrated
but nothing at all I can do...

Crapping

ah.. it's midnight 3.45am..
& I'm still here..

suddenly feel like.. I am scare.
yea.. I'm scare.. I don't reali noe y..
things come... & things go..
watever it brings to us.. we hav to accept it..
no matter it's good or bad~

recalling back the things that happened on me in these few years,
I realised.. ther's always a big change in my life..

previous year in 2009, something just pop out in my naive 19 n forced me to turn into a tough gal.. from tat on, i knew.. I am no longer a kids.. tat i can run away from my responsible as part of the family..

back in 2010, yeah.. my dream broken & i've got to start all over again..
not reali like all over again.. i jz blaming..
it's good thing for me to stay...

dis year,2011... somethings gonna change my life.. perhaps..
my dad got stroke attacked...
it's a light stroke..
but... things.... jz go out of shape...
war is jz going to start...
wat's gonna happen to me?
every step is so scary to me...
but nothing i can do to help..
i reali cant do anything other than keep studying for my exam...
else i wil lose everything..

sometimes, i jz do ntg like now..
blank...
"dont being so lazy n blame on the things happened make u stop studying
u r jz too lazy!"
I reali dont noe whether I am acting lazy or distracted by stuff...
n i reali dnt thk tat i am distracted by those stuff...
N i dont tell anyone coz I dont wan anyone of u to feel tat..
"u r so pitiful.. " the truth is.. I am not pitiful jz because I am not pitiful..
i am jz being lazy badass n finding all theseee excuses so tat i can stop studying for a little while n mayb longer than a little while... ><

someone said.. I dont look stressful at all..
everyday lazy to wake up to attend the sem 1 classes..
studying v a slow slow slow pace...
enjoy my day.....
sleep for8 or even 9 hours a day....
eat like i'm gonna explode my stomach...
watch drama....
taking my own sweet time cooking at the kitchen for at least 3 hours..
skype v my babie everyday...
...
am i gonna fail my exam???????


NO.. I will never failed my exam...
I promise... at least,I'm trying my best...

:)


study? or sleep?
mayb i reali sleep too much.. ><

自我中心，是我...

是我可怜吗？
不...

是我...
自我中心太强...

才发现
不管害怕还是伤心
人，都会把双手压在胸前...
自我保护。


我也不过如此。


与普通人一样...
我
或许更自私。

:(

她看看我的手掌
说道:"你很多烦恼吗？"
...

是啊,我有很多烦恼的...

才说到...
我的烦恼又来了~

昨天刚回到KL
今天早上，不管自己多累
我都告诉自己
:"新的学期了,要努力点"
就揉揉眼睛,爬起床了...

虽然课很费一下~
自己又打瞌睡了一下
但至少我在班上...
我真的要努力的...

下午回家前
去了一位阿姨家...
她是妈妈的朋友
她老公突然在两个月前去世了...
我去帮妈妈给红包还有,白金...
我也很怕不懂怎样说话~
但说了说,也有一个小时多~

回到家,broadband不能用
我突然真的很伤心~
也哭了一下~ @@
也没什么好哭的是吧？:)
我就是想哭~

等到多一下下~
烦恼就来了...
什么事情,都在我们背后蔓延...

我不懂怎么说
就是有事情...
我该怎么做
我真的不懂...

我真的很伤心...
但我也不懂我能做什么
要发生的,迟早也会发生...

我真的希望不会有事...
不然,我书都没得读吧...

为什么要欺骗我...
为什么要这样下去
明知故犯
我可以怎么做...
我很辛苦...
我很累...
可以醒了没有！！
我真的很怕！！
我真的很怕...

:( ....

我还有很多功课...
不写了~




:(

♥

我发现
我喜欢站在人群外，
看着我最爱的家人，亲人，或朋友门开心的畅谈或玩耍...

我深深感到很感动...

我不在意是否我参与其中
听见他们的笑声
我满足了...

那是另一种快乐~

♥

1,
在沙滩上，
我家人与朋友围在一起烧烤~
有说有笑...
我一个人坐在远方
静静的欣赏他们的快乐...

2,
新年在外婆家，
亲朋戚友在客厅里~
有说有笑...
我陪着外婆在饭厅吃面
看着他们
我，有感动~ :)

等等...


我们不一定要参与其中才可以感到快乐及感动
你也可以祝福你身边的他们拥有快乐...



:)

朋友门，新的一年
要快乐哦！


我，真的很爱你们...


♥

I miss him.. ♥

Yea, he went back to his studyland,Florida already..
I miss him a lot~

That day, on 7th jan..
the last day he staying in malaysia...
I accompany him went around & rushed for everyhing that need to be done..
His medicine, pray, laptop, jeans...
& lastly.. He insisted wanna develop some photos out so that he can stick on his bedroom wall.. I feel so touch. Really.

Before depart to airport.. I spend a little time with him in his room..
I looked at him.. & my eyes started to fill with tears..
& I immediately look away.. telling him..
:" I cannot look at you, I will cry..."
n the tears slowly drip inside through my nose into my throat..
He was ready to go out..
& he hugged me..
In his arms.. I feel really so sad for his leaving..
Finally my tears dropped n I cried a little..
I told myself no.. I cant cry...
He wippend my tears away with his hand & hugged m again..
& I need to take a deep breath n wipped away my tears..
telling myself.. I cannot cry..

After that, we departed first to airport.. which his family wil come later..
He holding me all the way..
He checked in & we waited for his family at MCD..
& we started to take photo for memory..
He took with his family first~ & I was the last one..

Finally, boarding time...
we took all his stuff & stand outside the gate..
All our attention on him.. & also on me~
They expect me to cry..
but all the way.. I keep my tears inside myself..
finally.. he hugged me again..
Unfortunately, I wasn't ready for his hug.. & I didnt manage to hug him back..
Everyone looking at me.. & I was shy to cry..
I was hiding so hard... So hard so hard..
telling myself don't cry..
when he ready to walk in.. I had a strong feeling that wanna pull him back to me..
But I didnt do so.. I know, he still have to go..
The next moment.. I saw his mum crying.. & tears started to fill my eyes again..
inside myself.. I keep shouted for him to come back...
Looking at him at security point.. My heart broken..
I wanted to cry so much... so much so much so much...
but I don't wan his family to see me cry...
At the moment.. I don't know what else I can do..
I know.. I missed him..

His sister & mum later fetched me home..
All the way.. It was traffic jam..
The moment I reached home.. He had just landed on KL..
We talked & we cried...
He complaining that I didnt hug him back & cry just now...
& I was really so regret.. because I know, I wouldnt have the chance for the next 6 months again...
I cried so sadly.. I missed him... I MISSED HIM!

He landed on Japan on midnight 6am+..
He called me.. & I was so happy to receive his call..
He told me that his cousin was coming to him..
& he said he will call me before his next flight in the afternoon..
All the while.. I waited for him..
When I woke up, I saw his post on FB, & I missed him again..

In the afternoon, I received his call using his cousin's phone..
Very soon, he hang up the phone & flew to Las Vagas..
I waited for him until midnight~
All the while.. I don't know how many text I had sent him..
Finally, He texted me using his US number~!
& he told me~ he missed his flight to Orlando..
& hav to wait for 2.5 hours for the next flight to Salt Lake transit to Orlando..
I acc him until his nex flight & went to sleep..
The next morning.. He reached Orlando at around 1pm our time..
& it was midnight over at US~
Later, his fren fetched him to supper & home..
He on9 straight after he reached home~
& we skype...

It's true that I can see how he care bout me..
He don't want me to keep waiting for him...
& all the while.. He will contact me at the very first time as he can..
He is really a good guy.. & he really treat me like a princess..
It's true.. He never disappointed me..
I really feel so happy whenever I see him on9, his face, heard his voice..
all of that comfort me a lot...

Many & many things had happen on me all the while..
Some happy.. & some too sad for me..
& I am so lucky to have him with me..
He worry about me.. He even tried his best to help me solve my problems..
Seriously.. He is really "bu pa si!"
What else I can say about him?...
He willing to involve himself in all stuff I do.. & faced all problems with me..
I know, he don't wan me to feel alone..
& he really wan me to be happy from deep inside his heart..
Thanks baobei ♥ babie...

The night before he fly back to Florida,
He gave me a very precious gift...
& he told m...
It is the promise...
He will come back to me soon...
touched ♥ I feel... :)

Now that he had gona back Florida for 4 days...
We skype everyday...
We even text a little...
He told me he dont care bout how much he spend..
He just want me to be happy...

Baobei bie...
thanks for everything that you have done for me..
I really appreciate it a lot..
Everytime, u think about all for me..
You care about everything around me..
you even asked ur mum to ask me out for lunch! (to have close relationship?)
& always talk bout me with ur mum...
I am glad of what you had told me...
baobei... I am really glad to be with you..
& I love you..
like I told you, I don't trust promise...
But for now.. Promise will be the one to keep me strong..
I will wait for you...
ok? ♥ :)

I think this post is really "geli" enough for all of our friends..
& more of these "geli" words I will continue to write for you in ur mail..
ok? ♥ ♥ ♥ ><



Babie, I miss you.. A lot.. ♥
*hugss* :)