Crapping

ah.. it's midnight 3.45am..
& I'm still here..

suddenly feel like.. I am scare.
yea.. I'm scare.. I don't reali noe y..
things come... & things go..
watever it brings to us.. we hav to accept it..
no matter it's good or bad~

recalling back the things that happened on me in these few years,
I realised.. ther's always a big change in my life..

previous year in 2009, something just pop out in my naive 19 n forced me to turn into a tough gal.. from tat on, i knew.. I am no longer a kids.. tat i can run away from my responsible as part of the family..

back in 2010, yeah.. my dream broken & i've got to start all over again..
not reali like all over again.. i jz blaming..
it's good thing for me to stay...

dis year,2011... somethings gonna change my life.. perhaps..
my dad got stroke attacked...
it's a light stroke..
but... things.... jz go out of shape...
war is jz going to start...
wat's gonna happen to me?
every step is so scary to me...
but nothing i can do to help..
i reali cant do anything other than keep studying for my exam...
else i wil lose everything..

sometimes, i jz do ntg like now..
blank...
"dont being so lazy n blame on the things happened make u stop studying
u r jz too lazy!"
I reali dont noe whether I am acting lazy or distracted by stuff...
n i reali dnt thk tat i am distracted by those stuff...
N i dont tell anyone coz I dont wan anyone of u to feel tat..
"u r so pitiful.. " the truth is.. I am not pitiful jz because I am not pitiful..
i am jz being lazy badass n finding all theseee excuses so tat i can stop studying for a little while n mayb longer than a little while... ><

someone said.. I dont look stressful at all..
everyday lazy to wake up to attend the sem 1 classes..
studying v a slow slow slow pace...
enjoy my day.....
sleep for8 or even 9 hours a day....
eat like i'm gonna explode my stomach...
watch drama....
taking my own sweet time cooking at the kitchen for at least 3 hours..
skype v my babie everyday...
...
am i gonna fail my exam???????


NO.. I will never failed my exam...
I promise... at least,I'm trying my best...

:)


study? or sleep?
mayb i reali sleep too much.. ><