♥ TwiNkle tWinKlE LitTle sTars...

Sorry...

2011-08-11T02:13:00.002+08:00

She is goin back tmr.
while studying, all the scene flashed across my mind, i feel so sad..
i am reali so sad...

During these few days,
I noe.. I noe i've been treating her badly...
I trying so hard to push back my temper on her, I trying to be good to her...
but everytime, when my words hurt her, I can see it in her eyes, only i knew, I am wrong...
I noe i'm wrong.. I noe I shouldnt hav talk so impatiently to her...
& I tried to talk better everytime after i said something harsh to her...
in a way tat hope she can feel better...
but i noe, it wouldnt be better.

I tried to make her feel happy..
At least i am trying...

I cooked her spagethi, in the late night, coz she hav been telling me tat she miss the spagethi tat i cooked..
I brought her out for dinner, coz she had been cooking throughout the days...
I gav her a lil money jz hope tat she can make good use of it...
& of course, she had been using a lot to buy groceries n vege during these few days...
I did all these, perhaps, because I feel so sorry to her...
of being so cruel... such a bad daughter of her...

somebody told me...
watever she had done, I cant change anything...
jz because she is who she is, I must treat her nicely...
jz because she is too lonely...
jz because she nid us....
jz because...
I love her.

no matter how bad she is personally...
she treat me like a tofu, I shouldnt hav treat her like a stone...

I'm wrong...
I'm sorry...

please, wait for me...
I promise i'll giv u a better life...

sorry that I dont hav the gut to tell u
"sorry..." ...

sick?

2011-08-03T01:49:00.005+08:00

-History Taking-

Have been sick for 2 weeks...
From the very first day in the clinic kesihatan, I felt the dryness n pain in my throat...
back in lecture, felt so painful until I cant concentrate in class
went to buy lozenges n it really made me feel better..
at night, fever... took paracetamol...
woke up in the middle of the night, suffer..
paracetamol again..
skipped class...
byebyefever...
fever went off after 3 days..
headache for a few more days...
byebyefever again...
almost a week~
sore throat finally went off..
but coughin with lots of phlegm...
oh ya.. lost my voice once...
coughin until woke up... flu~
finally decided to go to doctor after around...
9days?

*During the diagnosis, I can apply my knowledge from current lecture again..
telling a proper history, n she did a general phyical examination on me,
auscultation, palpation, sign and symptoms...*

bad sore throat at the back of throat, phlegm at my nasalpharynx, & to told me that i have sensitive nose n throat.... @@
took antibiotic (amoxicillin), flu (loratadine?) & lonzenges (difflam) given by doc..
but not any cough mixture or cough suppresant~ @@
cough until today...
phlegm turning back into colourless~
but stil coughin... super itchy throat...
havent finish my antibiotic..
always skipped the morning one as i always wake up late~
n sometimes dont even take my proper meal~ =X

sometimes...
I feel good to fall sick..
at least, ther's a reason for me to run away from something..
at least, ther's a conversation btw us...
at least, she will start worry bout me n at least giv me a call...
at least, she wil talk to me...
at least, it makes everyone forget about something n turn to me...
at least, ther's stil a connection....

I need a medical check-up...

I reali dont mind if anything happen on me, n everything back to normal...
which i use to love...
love, warm, peace... healthy....

*please....*

_____________________________________________

Last sem, microbiology~
~I got an either staph or strep infection on my hand
n someone around me got fungus infection ( which i can apply my knowledge, correctly name out the med that doc goin to prescribe her )

Next, Atherosclerosis, thrombus, embolus~
~ My dad got admitted into hospital.. & he got stroke...

Before sem 3, which i goin to read about CVS~
~ My grandma passed away coz of heart attack + Deep vein thrombosis...

& I was thkin, it woulnd't be so "scary"... since i havent start my sem on CVS..

Then, half-way studying CVS~
~ my uncle got admitted into hospital due to angina... & he nid a CABG... which i was learning...

Godddddddd~~~~

I'm praying... hope that the surgery go all well n fine... N I will apply my Cardiac Rehabilitation lecture on him....

Next week, I'm goin to start a new body system... Respiratory system.. :S
choi choi choii!!!

><

Everything will be fine~
<3

*I can't change the world, I can't change others... but I do can change myself, to a better one? or a worse one? or I shall remain the same...*

-hugs-

my haven, twinkle twinkle little star...

2011-07-31T12:47:00.003+08:00

I won't be here, until the sadest moment...

yea.. I'm reali sad... I'm reali frustrated
but nothing at all I can do...

Crapping

2011-04-14T03:44:00.002+08:00

ah.. it's midnight 3.45am..
& I'm still here..

suddenly feel like.. I am scare.
yea.. I'm scare.. I don't reali noe y..
things come... & things go..
watever it brings to us.. we hav to accept it..
no matter it's good or bad~

recalling back the things that happened on me in these few years,
I realised.. ther's always a big change in my life..

previous year in 2009, something just pop out in my naive 19 n forced me to turn into a tough gal.. from tat on, i knew.. I am no longer a kids.. tat i can run away from my responsible as part of the family..

back in 2010, yeah.. my dream broken & i've got to start all over again..
not reali like all over again.. i jz blaming..
it's good thing for me to stay...

dis year,2011... somethings gonna change my life.. perhaps..
my dad got stroke attacked...
it's a light stroke..
but... things.... jz go out of shape...
war is jz going to start...
wat's gonna happen to me?
every step is so scary to me...
but nothing i can do to help..
i reali cant do anything other than keep studying for my exam...
else i wil lose everything..

sometimes, i jz do ntg like now..
blank...
"dont being so lazy n blame on the things happened make u stop studying
u r jz too lazy!"
I reali dont noe whether I am acting lazy or distracted by stuff...
n i reali dnt thk tat i am distracted by those stuff...
N i dont tell anyone coz I dont wan anyone of u to feel tat..
"u r so pitiful.. " the truth is.. I am not pitiful jz because I am not pitiful..
i am jz being lazy badass n finding all theseee excuses so tat i can stop studying for a little while n mayb longer than a little while... ><

someone said.. I dont look stressful at all..
everyday lazy to wake up to attend the sem 1 classes..
studying v a slow slow slow pace...
enjoy my day.....
sleep for8 or even 9 hours a day....
eat like i'm gonna explode my stomach...
watch drama....
taking my own sweet time cooking at the kitchen for at least 3 hours..
skype v my babie everyday...
...
am i gonna fail my exam???????

NO.. I will never failed my exam...
I promise... at least,I'm trying my best...

:)

study? or sleep?
mayb i reali sleep too much.. ><

自我中心，是我...

2011-02-18T23:30:00.002+08:00

是我可怜吗？
不...

是我...
自我中心太强...

才发现
不管害怕还是伤心
人，都会把双手压在胸前...
自我保护。

我也不过如此。

与普通人一样...
我
或许更自私。

:(

2011-02-08T20:20:00.002+08:00

她看看我的手掌
说道:"你很多烦恼吗？"
...

是啊,我有很多烦恼的...

才说到...
我的烦恼又来了~

昨天刚回到KL
今天早上，不管自己多累
我都告诉自己
:"新的学期了,要努力点"
就揉揉眼睛,爬起床了...

虽然课很费一下~
自己又打瞌睡了一下
但至少我在班上...
我真的要努力的...

下午回家前
去了一位阿姨家...
她是妈妈的朋友
她老公突然在两个月前去世了...
我去帮妈妈给红包还有,白金...
我也很怕不懂怎样说话~
但说了说,也有一个小时多~

回到家,broadband不能用
我突然真的很伤心~
也哭了一下~ @@
也没什么好哭的是吧？:)
我就是想哭~

等到多一下下~
烦恼就来了...
什么事情,都在我们背后蔓延...

我不懂怎么说
就是有事情...
我该怎么做
我真的不懂...

我真的很伤心...
但我也不懂我能做什么
要发生的,迟早也会发生...

我真的希望不会有事...
不然,我书都没得读吧...

为什么要欺骗我...
为什么要这样下去
明知故犯
我可以怎么做...
我很辛苦...
我很累...
可以醒了没有！！
我真的很怕！！
我真的很怕...

:( ....

我还有很多功课...
不写了~

:(

♥

2011-02-04T20:52:00.003+08:00

我发现
我喜欢站在人群外，
看着我最爱的家人，亲人，或朋友门开心的畅谈或玩耍...

我深深感到很感动...

我不在意是否我参与其中
听见他们的笑声
我满足了...

那是另一种快乐~

♥

1,
在沙滩上，
我家人与朋友围在一起烧烤~
有说有笑...
我一个人坐在远方
静静的欣赏他们的快乐...

2,
新年在外婆家，
亲朋戚友在客厅里~
有说有笑...
我陪着外婆在饭厅吃面
看着他们
我，有感动~ :)

等等...

我们不一定要参与其中才可以感到快乐及感动
你也可以祝福你身边的他们拥有快乐...

:)

朋友门，新的一年
要快乐哦！

我，真的很爱你们...

♥

I miss him.. ♥

2011-01-11T15:26:00.002+08:00

Yea, he went back to his studyland,Florida already..
I miss him a lot~

That day, on 7th jan..
the last day he staying in malaysia...
I accompany him went around & rushed for everyhing that need to be done..
His medicine, pray, laptop, jeans...
& lastly.. He insisted wanna develop some photos out so that he can stick on his bedroom wall.. I feel so touch. Really.

Before depart to airport.. I spend a little time with him in his room..
I looked at him.. & my eyes started to fill with tears..
& I immediately look away.. telling him..
:" I cannot look at you, I will cry..."
n the tears slowly drip inside through my nose into my throat..
He was ready to go out..
& he hugged me..
In his arms.. I feel really so sad for his leaving..
Finally my tears dropped n I cried a little..
I told myself no.. I cant cry...
He wippend my tears away with his hand & hugged m again..
& I need to take a deep breath n wipped away my tears..
telling myself.. I cannot cry..

After that, we departed first to airport.. which his family wil come later..
He holding me all the way..
He checked in & we waited for his family at MCD..
& we started to take photo for memory..
He took with his family first~ & I was the last one..

Finally, boarding time...
we took all his stuff & stand outside the gate..
All our attention on him.. & also on me~
They expect me to cry..
but all the way.. I keep my tears inside myself..
finally.. he hugged me again..
Unfortunately, I wasn't ready for his hug.. & I didnt manage to hug him back..
Everyone looking at me.. & I was shy to cry..
I was hiding so hard... So hard so hard..
telling myself don't cry..
when he ready to walk in.. I had a strong feeling that wanna pull him back to me..
But I didnt do so.. I know, he still have to go..
The next moment.. I saw his mum crying.. & tears started to fill my eyes again..
inside myself.. I keep shouted for him to come back...
Looking at him at security point.. My heart broken..
I wanted to cry so much... so much so much so much...
but I don't wan his family to see me cry...
At the moment.. I don't know what else I can do..
I know.. I missed him..

His sister & mum later fetched me home..
All the way.. It was traffic jam..
The moment I reached home.. He had just landed on KL..
We talked & we cried...
He complaining that I didnt hug him back & cry just now...
& I was really so regret.. because I know, I wouldnt have the chance for the next 6 months again...
I cried so sadly.. I missed him... I MISSED HIM!

He landed on Japan on midnight 6am+..
He called me.. & I was so happy to receive his call..
He told me that his cousin was coming to him..
& he said he will call me before his next flight in the afternoon..
All the while.. I waited for him..
When I woke up, I saw his post on FB, & I missed him again..

In the afternoon, I received his call using his cousin's phone..
Very soon, he hang up the phone & flew to Las Vagas..
I waited for him until midnight~
All the while.. I don't know how many text I had sent him..
Finally, He texted me using his US number~!
& he told me~ he missed his flight to Orlando..
& hav to wait for 2.5 hours for the next flight to Salt Lake transit to Orlando..
I acc him until his nex flight & went to sleep..
The next morning.. He reached Orlando at around 1pm our time..
& it was midnight over at US~
Later, his fren fetched him to supper & home..
He on9 straight after he reached home~
& we skype...

It's true that I can see how he care bout me..
He don't want me to keep waiting for him...
& all the while.. He will contact me at the very first time as he can..
He is really a good guy.. & he really treat me like a princess..
It's true.. He never disappointed me..
I really feel so happy whenever I see him on9, his face, heard his voice..
all of that comfort me a lot...

Many & many things had happen on me all the while..
Some happy.. & some too sad for me..
& I am so lucky to have him with me..
He worry about me.. He even tried his best to help me solve my problems..
Seriously.. He is really "bu pa si!"
What else I can say about him?...
He willing to involve himself in all stuff I do.. & faced all problems with me..
I know, he don't wan me to feel alone..
& he really wan me to be happy from deep inside his heart..
Thanks baobei ♥ babie...

The night before he fly back to Florida,
He gave me a very precious gift...
& he told m...
It is the promise...
He will come back to me soon...
touched ♥ I feel... :)

Now that he had gona back Florida for 4 days...
We skype everyday...
We even text a little...
He told me he dont care bout how much he spend..
He just want me to be happy...

Baobei bie...
thanks for everything that you have done for me..
I really appreciate it a lot..
Everytime, u think about all for me..
You care about everything around me..
you even asked ur mum to ask me out for lunch! (to have close relationship?)
& always talk bout me with ur mum...
I am glad of what you had told me...
baobei... I am really glad to be with you..
& I love you..
like I told you, I don't trust promise...
But for now.. Promise will be the one to keep me strong..
I will wait for you...
ok? ♥ :)

I think this post is really "geli" enough for all of our friends..
& more of these "geli" words I will continue to write for you in ur mail..
ok? ♥ ♥ ♥ ><

Babie, I miss you.. A lot.. ♥
*hugss* :)

Random~

2010-12-18T12:58:00.002+08:00

HELLOOOO!!!!!!!!! ^^

ha~~ woke up in the morning~~ & knowing that my exam is coming soon~
nex tuesday & wednesday~
the patient interview which i had practiced oni once~! god..
i worry the simulte patient wil giv me weird weird respond leh~~
idont noe wat disease he/she having then how would i ask question n explore more~~
@@ the summative~~ i always take it easy as ther're oni 50mcq~
which i used to hav the harder n more complicated 1 in pmc~~
but i noe i shouldnt bahave like dis~~
should at least guai guai study n remember again~
ha....
okok~~ studying d.... ><

back to dis morning~
after woke up~
i quickly took a bath~ n clean the room n house~
it's too dirty la!!! i were too lazy to keep the house recently~
busy busy~ ><

n now~
i done keeping & sit in front of laptop~
ready to study...

thk bout the 50 mcq questions..
n pmc...
i reali like pmc a lot..
the lecturer...
the lecture notes...
the class...
a lot more better than imu~
mayb i am too degil~
but wat i thk is true loo...

ahh~~
nvm~~ everything is fine.. at least.. =)

hm....
someone is at langkawii now~~
poor thing~~
he keep asking me go but i didnt follow~~
n now his sis also didnt follow~
n he is there alone~~
watching tv...
awwww..... poor thing!!
hahaha!! sorry la... now i feel guilty d~
but i got a lot to study leii...
if i go~ then sure get very excited n go everywher de ma~
how to study jekk.... right?
ok la ok la~~ nex time laa~
( 1 year later? ) lol!! haha~!
><
*miss u*

ha... he is goin back to florida real soon~
within a month..
i reali hop i that i can cope v every single emotion i hav..
i dont wan to make thing worse..
i noe i always do...
i cant control my own emotion when come to this..
ahh..
perhaps cry up to 3 months~ then i wil slowly get use to it d..
>< right?
yea...
no scare de laa...
half a year oni maa... few months oni laa
i somemre nid to study hard for my eos...
>< no prb no prb~
^^

should back to my study d...
bye guys...
i noe i long time didnt blog d...
sorry laa~~ ^^
i miss u guys too~~
especially my biaoge~ ^^
hope he doing well ther..
& remember i never forgot bout u!! =)
baobei biaoge leiiiiiii?!! hahaha!

hav a nice day guys~! <3

baobei wen. =)

=(

2010-12-14T02:09:00.001+08:00

I love you...

It's My 20th Birthday~!!!

2010-09-21T13:56:00.009+08:00

This post,
I dedicated to the sweetest guy in the world that I've met
--- Daniel-The-Babie♥
You make my day.

Laughter.Sadness.Tears.Touched.Happy.Surprise.Embarrass.Amuse.
Friendship.Love.Care.Cheat.Lie.Hide.Prank.Stupid.Silly.Hardwork.Plan....
Lots & lots.......
I don't know how's he made it~
& how stupid I am! ><

On the 4th Sept,

He promised me celebrate my birthday earlier just for both of us spending the time together, since piaopiao is coming over on sunday.
But 2 days before, he suddenly felt so frustrated and keep appologize to me cause he said that his boss need him in shifting the stuff to the new KLIA office during the weekend, but only the afternoon.
He saying that it's fine because we're celebrating at night but I need to stay home alone during the day.
Although I felt weird, but I have been brain washed for the whole month that the Subang office is shifting to KLIA soon.
As planned, he went off to "work" around 2 in the afternoon & I waiting for him at home. ><
He came back around 7pm & I keep asking him why. He said he went to KLIA twice and there're a lot of things to be shifted.

We went out around 8pm.
Of course he requested me to dress nicely since it's my birthday celebration.
^^
He kept it a secret where he wanted to bring me.
It's a rainy day & we're late.
He called & delay his booking to 830pm.
Finally, we reached at around 845pm.
Tamarind Hills - Contemporary Thai & Burmese Cuisine.
The place is really so pretty & we need to walk up a few staircase up to the restaurant since it's a small hill.
Along the staircase, there were a lots of candles lighted and tanglung.
It's so beautiful!
& the first thing came into my mind was --- This gonna be expensive!

Now recalling back the moment,
I feel like so great and awesome! *hungry*

there was a lady standing outside & welcoming us with 2 little ginger drinks.
Another guy brought us to our table --- he is really a good waiter.
Both of us looked at the menu & I looked at the price.
"Waaaa bie...So exp...><"
"Don't look at the price laa.. Today is your birthday!! It's important that you're happy de shi ma.."
Babie, you're lovely but you shouldnt spend so much on me! ><
A while later, the waiter came in & recommended us their course meal~
After ordered, we started to take some photo~

-Daniel-The-Babie-♥

-The first starter- ♥

-Is just plain water~ >< -

- Our 2nd starter - ♥

- acting cute huh?? >< - ♥

- The drinks - not really special

- The Awesome Tomyam!! ♥♥♥ -

- it's really a nice place - ♥

- ♥♥ -

- OUR MAIN COURSE!!! ♥♥♥ -

- Red Tomyam w Lobster - ♥

- Brocolli w Oyster Sc - ♥

- Lamb Loin w Green Curry - ♥ AWESOME!

- The Big Boss of the day... >< - ♥

- yum yum~~ >< -

- cutting for me~ ^^ - ♥

- what face is that huh? >< xiao xin -

- My AWESOME ice cream dessert!!!!! >< - ♥♥♥

- but the price are @@!!! -

- It's a beautiful place ♥ -

While we were enjoying our dinner, he keep telling me tat we hav to leave the restaurant at 1030pm & go to the next place~ ....
I were surprise that we were heading somewhere else other than this~
but we only manage to finish up our dinner around 11pm~
then we rushing to the next place~

- the jazz performance -

No Black Tie - a Bar or jazz club
We reached there around 1130pm.
I were surprise that he actually brought me to the jazz performance!!
I always told him that I kind of like jazz bar~ & now, he really make it for me.
Although that was not what we really like~ cause it was too formal... We prefer something like band singing jazz song & everyone is relaxing~
But it still nice though~ I enjoy it very much too! ><

Kekemm.... you know what I going to tell the next....
><
When the performers having the half time break~
he went out to make a phone call~
The pianist came in and speak some weird english that I hardly understand BUT!
I did recognised my name!!!! & he started to play a birthday song for me~ & of course everyone claps and started to sing a birthday song to me! >< awwwwww~~~
I were like... OMG... Where's "THE GUY" that put me in this condition~
super duper *SHY* hahahahaha!!!!
He then came in with a bouquet of pink & red rose & a waiter with a hagendazz Ice cream cake~ >< So dramatic wehh~~~ of course so touched!! ><
Ohhh!!! ther's a present too!! >< I guess I shouldn't mention the present here~~ he was just too cute!!! silly babie~~ & he told me..
"This will be your first present..."
"First??....><"

*shy* ><

After that, we tried our best to finish the cake~
as I mention, is an ice cream cake~ It started to melt when I first saw it holding on the waiter hand~ It's my favourite flavour!! He actually remember everything I mention including this... but now i forgot the name d... ><
after we finished the ice cream cake~ we quick quick ran away from the "formal-jazz-performance" d~~ although they were still preforming~~ *shy*

In the car, I open my so called first-present...
"I think you will scream after you see it..."
The next moment~
"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!................." ><
Kekemm.... anyway~ I still love the present very very much~~ ^^ hahaha!!
Thanks a lot!! XD

After that, he sent me home d~
& that's the end of my first birthday celebration! ♥

I guess I need to write bout my 5th sept birthday celebration in another post d~
><
Too many photos... ^^

with love. ♥

My Awesome 20th Birthday!!!

2010-09-14T01:55:00.003+08:00

I will blog about it soon!!
Coz it's too awesome for me~~~

*coming soon*

^^

Life In KL~

2010-09-14T01:23:00.003+08:00

ahh haa~~!!
finally...
I COMING BACK TO MY LOVELY BLOG~!!!
huh......

In the middle of the night...
Having hiccup~~ (!@#$%^&)
here I blogging~~~~
@@!!

YESS!!!
After around 5 weeks in KL~
I am back in BM!!
yea!! BUKIT MERTAJAM!! hahaha~~
no more KL~~
Laksa, hokkien mee, curry mee, zhu chiong fan, etc etc...
Well,
even though kl dont hav such great food,
I getting fatter tooo!!! =.=
thanks to someone keep feeding me v all kind of food there~

I WAN KEEP FIT!!!
I WAN TO DO MORE EXERCISE!!
I WAN TO.... wat to do somemore?
hahaah!!
I WAN TO GO BACK TO MY NORMAL LIFE~~
why am I so packed with stuff?
why couldnt just let me sit down & take my own sweet time in front of laptop?
or dis is a normal life?
my last holiday was just too relax & free~~ right? ><
I am so occupied!!
occupied by uni stuff~
occupied by group stuff~
occupied by cooking stuff~
occupied by cleaning stuff~
occupied by frens stuff~
& occupied by daniel ong~~~ @@ LOL!!
bring me here & there~~ ><
I am so sorry to neglect my blog~
& even my fb~
I am reali too busy with my life in KL~
I still nid some time to settle down...
sorry frenssss......
forgiv me~
I will come back to u all soon!!

Although every morning my class starts from 8am to around 10+~
but the group thingy always end around afternoon~
after back home~ i nid to clean up the house..
& perhaps cook? LOL!! ^^ (it's true)
at night~
mostly goin out to buy stuff or dinner v daniel-the-babie~
& sometimes with my cousin too~
both of them always making fun v my cooking skills!! (!@#$%^&)
><

a day is too short for me...
like i am so occupied with thingsss....
I guess i wil be getting busier? or easier?
homework wil be increasing over the weeks?
Or i getting myself settle down?

basically,
all the stuff in sem1...
I have been keep repeating for the 4 times i guess~
or at least the 2nd time?
all the enzyme, protein, cells...
Nevermind,
I will have my strong base~ ^^

everyday,
the thing i hate the most is wearing heels to sch~
parking my car at the hill top car park~
walking down around 50 staircase~
crossed the road to uni...
walked in uni..
using escalator to go up 3rd floor~
& walk up another staircase to 4th floor~
& walk to auditorium~
& walk up a few more staircase to grab a seat~
..... ugghhhhh!!!
can u imagine tat??
after class~ nid walk up the 50 staircase to reach hill top car park!!
H.A.P.P.Y of course~ (!@#$%^&*)
I did actually curi curi wear my sandals to sch~
but ended up i felt very sorry to everyone...
hahaha!!
but i guess~ I will be doing tat quite frequently ba~~
>i dont wan blister again!!
tat's reali killing my legs!!
@@~

well,
IMU~
it's not a bad uni baa...
It's good..
I know~
since I choose to come into it~
I wil try my best to enjoy my life here~
dont worry~
I will still study hard~
& play hard.. =)

& for all my frens in ireland~
All the Best~
play hard for me ^^

p/s: suddenly, I realised tat I dreammed bout PMC last night.. I dream tat suddenly, I got back my chance to go to ireland... & in the dream, I am so depressed.. whether to stay in imu, or grab my chance, go to ireland... Well, perhaps... the answer is not significant anymore.. although when i woke up.. once i thought it was real.. =)

X.O.X.O
*love*
=)

Here I COME!! ^^

2010-08-06T01:21:00.004+08:00

Here's come my post~
PLS WAIT PATIENTLY & WATCH IT AFTER IT FINISHED LOADING~
K??????? P.L.E.A.S.E!! ><
& if possible~
Put on ur earphone..
& dont let anything else distract u~
^^

Sorry to bb biaoge, ruyunn & john~~
I lazy to write whole page of words....
so I made this video~
I hope it won't disappoint you all~~

actually I got another video~
that video is around 12mins..
luckily I did this 1st instead of that longer 1~
or else... really dont noe how to let u all see....
hahahah!!!
never thought bout the prb to upload it when i start to do it~
><

All I want to say is...
Our KVJK trip was really awesome to me!!!!
& I miss u all a lot a lot a lot!!! ><

My busy days are going to start soon~~
u all must wait me settle down first yea~
then I will tell u all bout my life in KL!
><

Well, dont forget to miss me leiii....
k?

*hugss*

bb biaoge leiiiii???
ruyunn leiii???
he yu huiiiiii leiiii??!!!
^^

bao bei zai ze li leiiiii~~~!!! =)

付出的，不一定有回报

2010-08-01T00:06:00.003+08:00

谁说付出的，一定会有回报？

其实
有时候当别人提起
外国的世界有多漂亮
外国的人有多不一样
或是
外国的读书生活有多闷
外国的人有多不好
我还是会想起
我曾经错过的机会
-爱尔兰。

其实
为什么我那么想到外国读书呢
太多太多的理由我也不想再提起了
不管是好的还是坏的
其实我都不介意
我想出国就是想让自己更强
更独立...
再恶劣的环境我都可以生存
真的...
那只会是个美丽的经验
漂亮的经验
属于我的经验。

其实
只是突然间的感慨
我已经接受了事实
我懂留在马来西亚是最好的安排
不管对我还是对我的家人
真的我接受了...
只是
有时候突然间想起
还是会觉得
心是刺痛的...

我真的很努力
非常的努力
努力考好
给我考到最好的成绩
又怎样？
我还是要从头开始...
虽然我懂
我的经验比别人多~
但我花的时间也比别人多
或者是
老天爷要把我的底子打好
要让我变更好？

其实
再多的冤枉路
回头想想
这一路上我都交了很多朋友
这些朋友就是唯一让我觉得
还蛮值得的嘛~
如果我没呆在槟城
我也不会跟peinee&piaopiao那么好了
还有sheri&shuying~
of course my classmate&pmc seniors~
not to forget my lovely lecturers
dr. annie, dr. chong &　dr. loo!!
其实
还真是要感谢这些冤枉路
我真的很珍惜我的朋友们~
还有王敏俊咯~ XP

说着说着
其实
一样事情不管是好还是坏
把它看深一层
不然就一一分析出来
看！
也没什么大不了的是吗~
还有很多好处leii！
><

(真糟糕，好像自己跟自己打架 =.=)

哈哈哈哈哈哈！
惨咯~~~~~~~

肯定是被表哥们影响到~
><

好吧~
没事luuu！！！
^^

=)

未来?

2010-07-30T18:24:00.003+08:00

以后的事，有谁懂？

没有东西是一定的~
谁敢说我以后一定会在IMU毕业？
谁说我以后一定会是个医生？
谁说我以后一定会是呆在马来西亚？
谁说我以后还是会有那么多朋友？
谁说我以后一定是会跟他在一起？
谁说我以后一定会嫁人？
谁说我以后一定....

失败过不代表一直都会失败
成功不代表一直都会成功
失败过如果不去尝试就不可能会成功啊
难道要我怕了，以后都不去尝试？

未来未来...
未来就是个未知数~
我也是要尝试过,才会懂什么东西才是最适合我的...
但我这也不是随便
只是在给自己，给别人一个机会...

我懂，
我真的懂大人们都在顾虑些什么~
别人怎样想，我也管不了...
我是个女生吧~
我知道是我不对
我也希望可以不必一直寻找
可以就有那么一个
付出的，不会白费
又要从新开始...
很开心吗？

其实我也很怕啊...
一次又一次的失败
一次又一次的哭泣
很害怕的leii...

幸亏家人只知道我有那么一个ex~
不然更糟糕leii.... ><
把我关在家不让我出门？
还是抓我去相亲？
你们选一个给我咯~
XD

好啦~
只是突然很烦...
不要烦我leii...
不让人知道就不让人知道咯...
谁叫我那么笨蛋！
从以前笨到现在~
不能变聪明了的啦~~~~~
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！

只能对不起你了~
委屈你啦~
笨蛋王敏俊~
你要回来咯...
但我要去KL咯~~~
一切听天由命吧！
是你的就是你的~
不是你的在怎么抓紧，还是会飞走的leii...
是你的，放手都不会飞走的leii！！
^^

*muacksss!!!*

豆豆越长越多~
谁敢敢说我以后还是会美美的？
只有宝贝表哥咯！！

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！
*hugss*

不烦不烦！！
没有怕的啦~
XD

我很想你们！

2010-07-25T01:20:00.002+08:00

宝贝表哥，茹云，煜火军（找不到你的名）
...
我很想念你们leii....
怎么办~

你们懂吗
每一天我对着那些照片
一天一天一张一张的回忆
虽然
一边看着一边笑着
但我心里其实很伤心
也不可以说伤心吧
因为那些都是很美好的回忆
那些都是很开心的日子
...
不过...
我还是很伤心leii...

没想到日子那么快过去
之前的我还在决定该不该去
现在的我已经回来了~

把眼睛闭上
“表妹！！...."
仿佛听到表哥的声音~
把眼睛张开
只有电脑...

宝贝表哥，怎么你在电脑的另一边...
谁倒温水给表妹喝
谁弄蜜糖水给表妹喝
...
谁弄盐水给我喝
....
谁怕我会冷到...

还有茹云和阿辉~
把我简直当表妹！
任何事都
“没有怕的啦...”
因为任何事都会解决！
因为我有你们啊！
什么事都不用我做~
....

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊.......
T.T

没想到短短的日子里
我们的感情会如此的好~
让我在机场哭到像个小孩子...
"...我可以哭吗？..."
能叫我不哭吗？
...

十二天说长不长说短不短~
足以让我记得一辈子...

我很想念你们啊！！
赶快回来！！
宝贝表妹很可怜leii.......
没有你们照顾是会变瘦瘦的是吗？！
瘦瘦的表妹那里可爱的是吗？！
><

*hugs*
take care always... =)

♥

2010-07-23T16:47:00.003+08:00

It's been a month~

><

♥ you~
Always..
U noe I mean it.

*wen^bie*

Back In Malaysia!

2010-07-21T16:30:00.005+08:00

430pm..
I am currently in coffee bean alone~

Yea,
I just reached coffee bean~
with my coffee vanilla, ice blended...
I know I shouldnt be here at this time this moment...
since I need to go home at dinner time~
It is quite far from my house...
but...
today...
I need to come here...
I need to get myself sometime
to relax...
to escape?
to make myself feel a little bit more....
myself?... =)

I am fine...
no worries k?

To be frank,
I really feel so depress..
I really feel so sad..
I really feel like....
"when am I goin to emotional breakdown again?"

after back from aus trip...
I feel worry..
I feel down...
Well, of course not when my dear is with me..

The aus trip really like a sort of fairy tales? or haven for me to escape from lots of responsibility and problems..
In aus, I don't need to worry about anything..
ANYTHING!
with lots of fun & lots of cares from my dearest cousinss...

aikss...
Back in reality...
Face the truth~

back in malaysia,
the 1st ever thing I need to do is...
IMU enroll procedure...
money... cert... decision...

Today, I just went to bank & settled the tuition fees...
lots of money...
Cash...
I count the cash, I see the cash...
not a brand new notes..
but old used notes...
I can see how hard my dad earned these money..
I counted , my heart hurt double~

but dis is not why I feel so sad today...
><

Last night...
While I sleeping~
my phone rang...
is dad~
"for sure he drank... for sure I wil be sad soon.."
yea I knew tat when I saw tat he is calling me...
I didnt feel hate..
I jz feel tat he is goin to tell me his prb..
I should be happy bout tat..
because he choose to call me..
he loves me... he trust me..
but why... wat is in his mind...
wont feels tat dis is jz a little bit cruel to me?

yea... he told me his prb...
he told me his feeling...
he appologize to me..
he said he knows...
he knows tat I wish to go oversea..
but he said.. his choice that wana put me by his side all the while...
he wan me to acc him..
he wan me to acc the family..
perhaps, he is ready for the worst to come...
this will be the time that i need to bear the responsibility...
i cant jz go to oversea & leave my family behind..
yea... is true... I accepted tat...

other than this..
he told me...
something...
that wil seriously make me depress...
how could a father..
told his daughter that he feels like dying...
he dont feel happy at all..
he never felt happiness anymore...
he just feel like dying...
he wan to die...
he reali wish to die...
.........................
I really dont noe how to explain wat he told me...
I really dont noe how to respond to his words...
I really dont noe wat should I do...
dis is not the 1st time tat he told me he is not happy at all..
I know.. I really know...
but I cant help...
after hang up the phone~
I cringe in pain..
tears flowing...
until I fell asleep...~

recently, he told me tat he felt heart pain...
so painful so painful that he dont noe wat to do...
I asked him to go for a body check up...
he said he will...
but I dont noe whether he is going onot..
I just called him up~
wanna remind him to go for a medical check up
but he didnt pick up the phone~
...~~~~
will rush him for a medical check up soon~

_________________________________________________________

Dear frens...
I know you might feel tat I very pity...
but dont..
pls..
the purpose I having a blog is to let me feeling out...
so that I can feel a little bit more relax...
but not all keep inside myself~
I seldom blog something happy~
but something sad...
I am sorry yea...
^^

dont come to visit my blog if u feel sad...
haha! i dont wan you to sad for me...
coz I know..
I know my story is always hurtful...
^^

but no scare de laa!!
I can always face these all problems~
I can always get through them with a sweeeet smile =)
k? I promise...

by the way,
babie,
I hope you won't read this blog until u come back from taiwan..
cause I know, I will put you into bad mood...
no matter how my mood goes, i know urs wil follow~
never feel guilty to me k?
I can face all this on my own,
I just nid you to enjoy ur trip to the max..
not worry bout me! ><
plssss.......
*hugs* ><
i miss u a lot! =)
waiting for u to come back yea! ^^

well, to my lovely baobei biaoge, ruyun & john~
thanks for giving me lots of cares & fun during my aus trip k?
I love you all very much!!!!!!!!!!
miss you all a lot a lot~
& those sweeeet dayss....
i will always keep them in my mind~
no scare de la!
we will meet soon~!!! XD
*hugs*

&...
my darnie....
you are always there for me...
thanks a lot!
seriously...
you comfort me...
you listen to me~
even you are in KL all the time~
^^ *hugs*

& peinee!!!!!
miss u a lot nia~~
hahahaha!!
dont cry after you see dis blog leiii!!
silly~~~ ><

I will blog bout my aus trip soon~
I hope I can hav so much time to blog it...
coz it's a lot!!
hahaha!!

TATA!

*hugs* for myself~ =)

no worry to all my babies frens...
I will always love myself...
^^
*muacksxx*

Babie Daniel~

2010-07-20T19:49:00.004+08:00

Baobei bie~
I love you...
*hugs*

bie,
I am sorry if I made you sad or jealous k?
I know that you are jealous...
not much though~
but I noe... XD
I noe that you won't really get angry at me~
because I can really feel that you love me a lot.
*silly*
or I am too lovely?! XD hahahaa!!
><

Babie, I love you too!!
just because that you treat me so great, so awesome!
that I feel that I am actually awesome!
I think I never felt that way before~
perhaps they thought that I simply don't deserve their love.
*hugs*

Baobei,
don't you think that I can und you?
or
you think that I can't read your mind? ><
you never told me single thing bout your problem
you never let me worry about you~
I know, I know that you don't want me to worry about you since I got lots more problem waiting for me to solve. right?
but this is not the case~
I can always be there for you whenever you need me
I can always share your problem and face it with you
well, although I might not make things better. ^^
BUT I can always CHEER you up!!! (you know I can) XP
*sayang*

another thing is~
I always love my frens a lot~
you know that, dont you?
thanks for your understanding~
I deeply appreciate it a lot! *muacksxx!!*
but dont worry,
you are important too~ ^^
I know where the border line is~ *wink*

8.00pm
you are currently in Taiwan~
perhaps eating~ XD

What I wanna tell you is~~~~~~
Babie!!
you worry me too much!!!
I am not that weak k? LOL!!
I can always face problem myself~
don't always think that you have the responsibility to help me in everything and be by my side all the time leiii....
although I know that I am lovely & irresistable!! LOL!!!
>< >< >< XDDDD hahahaha!!! *bluek!*

bie, I hope you can enjoy your trip to the max!
just put me aside~ I won't mind la... ><
even if you wana see those pretty leng luiiiii there~
see lor~ *as if you dare~* LOL!!!
dont forget to take phone number from them too!!
ahahahahaha!!! hmph~~~ ><

So~~~ Conclusion!!

Dont worry bie~~~

I won't stop bullying you!! muahahahaha!!! ^^

no scare de laaaa~~~~~ ><

*love*

Hopefully~

2010-07-01T04:23:00.003+08:00

Finally,
I decided....

After I confirmed with my decision
I really feel so relax...
I really feel so comfortable
I feel so happy with my decision..

Actually,
I don't really mind which road I going already
The main point is
I can still continue my study
no matter where I end up to be...
I will still back in Malaysia
& I am not working at anywhere else other than Malaysia.
Right? =)

Yea, I decided to continue my medicine
in IMU, taking 5 years local programme..
yea, my dream broken....
to study in university abroad.
yea, I won't have any chance again...
to chase for my dream.
There's full stop behind the both sentences
this means that I really give up on that..
OR I had thought about them clearly
and everything is fine now..
I don't want to think much about it anymore.
=) I am fine, don't worry..

Who knows, that might be a better choice for me?
Who knows, there's something awesome waiting for me?
Right?

Since all my great friends will be in KL~
That will be the FIRST GREAT THING to study in KL!!
Right? XD

No worries, guys...
I am tought enough for all of this...
I can do it BETTER!!
Trust me~
"faith" is what I need from you~ =)

seriously...
I am fine~ ^^
Love you guys a lot...

___________________________

To be honest,
there's always someone
who stay by my side
give me his shoulder & support..
I deeply appreciate it a lot...
You are really too good to me, thanks a lot~
=) <3

The Best of the BEST,
Peinee & Piao...
Both of them really really really too great...
I love them really a lot!!! <3
especially peinee...
she cried together with me...
she deeply sad for me while I was in deep sorrow...
Nevertheless, she will cheer me up soon after I cried~
You are so awesome, my dear...
Seriously...
Without you all, I guess I would really emotionally breakdown like N years ago...
I will never forget about you, k?
This I can always give my words...
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Not to forget,
dear machii...
I know that all of you care me a lot...
seriously...
I still love you all as much as I do~
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

oh oh oh oh!!
Last but not the least
Ms loo!!!
who always take me as her little sis...
you gave me a lot of advise...
you talked to me,
you listened to me patiently..
I really appreciate this a lot...
a lot a lot that I don't know how to thank you..
A million thanks for you.. =)
I am so glad that I met you~ ^^
Keep in touch~
& Happy Birthday!! =)
wish you all the best~

___________________________

Where there's a will,
There's a way...
=)

I am so happy tonight...
because of you~
the awesome bie! ><
thanks for everything~
=)

人生无常

2010-06-29T22:50:00.002+08:00

短短的两个星期
发生了很多事情
也把我命运改变了

一直认为自己已经很幸福了
不敢再要求什么
还是我太嚣张了？天要惩罚我？
我错了吗？我做错了什么
拜托可以告诉我吗？
我改我什么都改
请不要对我那么残酷
我真的很痛苦
不要把所有原本属于我的东西给抢走
我还剩些什么呢...

生在黄家
我一直都认为那没什么不好
虽然'家'不是很完美
但至少还算是一个完整的家
从小我什么都不缺
大家疼我
不开心的事时时都会有
我可以接受觉得那是应该的
自己得受点罪
伤心往内吞辛苦往内吞
我什么都看不见什么都听不见
只要我还拥有这个家
我什么都不介意
环境多糟我都能接受
只要爸爸妈妈哥哥是爱我的
我真的觉得足够了

人并不是十全十美的
我懂所以我珍惜
我懂所以我爱
我懂所以我不贪心

从小我自己摸索
自己读书
自己懂事
妈妈让我了解'忍耐'的含义
爸爸让我了解'责任'的重要性
世上不是事事都顺心
世上不是事事都开心
只要换个角度
心情就会好多了

如今发生的事情
却是我奋斗多年很不想遇到的事

人生无常

谁懂事情表面上很好
但不好的事正在背后发展得迅速
下一秒钟什么都可能变了
谁晓得...

我就领悟了

我没事，别担心...

2010-06-29T22:38:00.001+08:00

我很伤心

心痛得无法形容

很累我真的很累

为什么噩运缠绕我不放

我真的很累

我无出可逃

刚睡醒却感觉不到自己的存在

我很想晕了过去

很想一睡不醒来/什么事都没发生过

但那是不可能的

我不懂我自己怎么了

我太伤心了

却不懂还能做些什么

我哭不出了眼泪往哪流？

我漫无目的

梦也破碎了

面对事实...

为什么要对我那么残酷...
我受得了吗？

我一生注定如此吗?
我认了...

我没事，别担心... =）

我还可以撑得住...

I can make it through!

2010-06-23T18:04:00.002+08:00

There's too many things in my mind..
there's too many things to blog..

I can't tell all of them once..
I can't solve all of them once..

All you need to know is..
I will get through all of this by my own..
I will get through all of this great!

who's right, who's wrong..
that doesn't matter anymore..

All I know is..
I have to depend on myself starting from now onwards!

Well of course, u just need to stay by my side~
& support me no matter how many times I fall..

promise? =)

don't worry guys..
I am tough~ ^^

I love my blog~ ^^

2010-06-15T03:33:00.003+08:00

My blog
the place that I always seek for a peaceful mind & feeling...

Every time,
even I don't feel like blogging
I will let it open there~

I don't know why...
maybe this is the only place that I can spit out everything in my heart...
where I can have my very own feeling~
without worry about anything...

=)
& I actually love the music~
"twinkle twinkle little stars.." ><
my very own lullaby......
it's so soothing... (thanks to john)
thanks to ah po for create this blog for me too!!

the very deep inside my heart...
the very true of my feeling...

everytime I read back my previous entries...
I don't really remember how could I actually wrote them out~
& everytime I read them~
it's a kind of feeling that I can't describe~
as if I was not the one that wrote them~ =)

I don't actually have point in this article, right?
LOL! ignore me~ XP

I am lost!!! not cause of anything~~
just~ I have nothing to do!!
life without aims is really making me @@...
the feeling is making me cringe~! issh!!

aaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
what should I do?

dear all..
families, babes, friends...
I love you~ =)

goodnight,
the world...

Once again....

2010-06-12T03:48:00.001+08:00

Once again..
there was a family meeting...

this time, the time to pay my tuition fees....

eldest bro is just came back from UK
he is going to work in singapore...
I don't know what's that made him checked my college registration...
tell me....
are you true-hearted?
I really need to know that...

last night,
I dreamt about him...
I dreamt that he is actually loves me...
he is actually loves the families..
he is actually true hearted...

in the sort of family meeting
to talk about my studies...
he told me that
he is actually worrying about me
whether I can cope with the life in oversea
different language, different seasons, different cultural...
on the spot, I felt that it is actually funny...
why look down on me...
I am not that weak...
or... "are you really worry about me?"
tell me...
are you really worrying about me
or you are just trying to stop me from going oversea!
tell me brother...
you know I really hope to get your attention...
but not in this way...
not in this way....
it is my future....

I know you went UK
I know that you actually worked hard to get what you own now
I know you are smart...
I really respect you...
it's always so proud to say that
"my eldest bro is a doctor, he is just came back from UK!"
dad keep telling me about you..
he said it's really a hard time for you when you working in uk...
and so so so on...
well, although... i don't even know which uni you previously studying...
which city you actually worked in...
I am sad.... I feel so ashamed...
you are my brother... but I know nothing about you...

in the meeting...
although you keep telling me about my college, my irish degree...
I found that, this was the 1st time I actually look into your eyes...
you are actually smart!
your thkin is definitely more mature than 2nd bro...
all the while 2nd bro was just talking about money...
but you actually explained things one by one to me...
you are actually small in size & you are actually fit~
you are fair.. & you are good looking... =)

on the other hand,
yea... actually I a bit disappointed on my 2nd bro....
few weeks ago, when I talked to dad in office...
I saw... with my eyes... that... how you treat dad...
I am really so angry that time...
I stared at him... which normally I don't even dare to look into his eyes...
I feel so sorry to dad... I feel so sad for dad...
2nd bro...
all I wan to say is...
you are only 24, there's still lots of things that you need to learn from dad...
you are not mature enough...
I am sorry to say that...
you really disappoint me a lot...
i know i shouldnt say this...

during the meeting,
2nd bro was actually...
I don't know how to say it...
he was sort of like....
said "since it's no difference, why need to waste so much money?"
"why don't just take locally?"
"you know your course really need a lot money?! we don't have so much money"
"Dr is dealing with life,it's not kidding" - I feel funny that he said this...
am I showing not respect to him? I don't know...
he really disappoint me... he hurts me...
that time, I didn't even answering or listening to him...
cause I know, all he wan is just money!!
I can see it clearly on him that he is just wan me to stop dreaming about going oversea!!!!!!!!!!
T.T

"do you thk that there's no difference whether I study locally & coming back from oversea?" " yes" both of them answering..
I speechless... I don't wan to talk much..
cause I don't wan them to thk that I show no respect to them..
"in the end, all is just about money right?" I said this softly with my head look down.. I guess dad didn't heard this...
"can put it tat way too.." eldest bro answered me...
I speechless.. I tried so hard not to cry in front of them...

_______________________________________________________________________

back in home,
I cried... I tried to hide from mum..
I told mum it's complicated...
i tried to read the new story book that I just bought it...
but all the while I was crying...
& suddenly my mum saw...
& she got angry cause she thought that they ( brothers ) don't wan to let me continue my studies oversea..
while i crying, i can't explain to her...
& she called dad.. & she even drove out...
my own brother immediately asked me to stop mum from making things more complicated...
yea.. i called n mum came back...
dad too~
I was so scare that my dad will scold me of being so weak...
but...instead....
he hugged me.... he asked me not to thk negatively...
he told me that final decision is on me...
they can't do anything... but just make thing clear...
I was really touched....
my dad.... he really loves me a lot~
a lot like... A LOT~!
i loves him much much much too!!
I can see that he earned money by his hard work...
just to make sure I can get the best education...
dad, you are so bravo!! I always wish that I can be the best for you...
=)

_______________________________________________________________________

today,
I actually went to see my lecturers...
I hope that I can make things cleared by asking them...
& they really did help me a lot...
they gave me assurance...
they gave me my answer...
they actually support me...
& I really feel so touched by what they offered me...

3 of my lecturers actually discussed about my problem b4 I met up with them..
since I told Dr loo... & she was the one who suggested me to talk to Dr annie..
& when Dr annie received my text ( for appointment ) , she actually knew that I had talked to Dr loo & she actually went & asked her...
this really makes thing easier for me.. as I no need to explain everything all over again... that might probably activate my tears glands~ ><

they talked to me..
they comfort me...
they listened to me patiently..
they even offered to talk to my dad personally if my dad need some assurance...
this really makes me feel like...
I am not alone...
I am actually blessed...
I am actually right on my own decision!!

I am really really so glad...
so glad that I met my lecturers...
Dr chong, Dr annie & Dr loo...
seriously...
THANK YOU!!! ( other than this, I don't know what can I say anymore...)
=)
I promise to continue my hard work in the future...
& I will try my best not to let you down ^^

______________________________________________________________________

Dad,
thanks for being so supportive...
thanks for everything that you give me...
I really love you a lot...
you are greatest in the world!!
& I will never let you down!!
=)

Mum,
.....
there's so much so much that I can't even write down here..
you just need to wait..
I will bring back my victory
& you wil have no worries in life!

My own brother~
I loves you too!!!
you are getting lovely!!!
muacksxx!!
& we are getting closer!! ><
you can do it!! I trust u~ XD

_______________________________________________________________________

Me, myself~
I want to be a doctor!
not because that I want to compare with them~

Me, myself~
I want to be a doctor!
because it's challenging!!

don't ever think that I am weak...
everyone was weak~
before they are strong!!

you know what I mean.

X.O.X.O~

guys, no worries bout me~
I am a tough gal~
& ....
I AM ALWAYS CHEERFUL!!
XD

Life is all about falling & standing up firm on our feet again~
^^

Emo owhh~~! ^^

2010-06-03T05:02:00.000+08:00

突然的心烦...
突然的胡思乱想

突然觉得自己很渺小
突然觉得自己不重要

突然觉得没自信
突然觉得自己很差劲

突然想哭
但今天的我
哭了很多

自从那次
好久都没哭不停了
哭了收声
突然傻傻的又哭了又自己收声了
来回大概哭了三次
傻瓜...

今天考得不好
肚子痛了
止痛药没效
考试前，我走到老师面前
还没开声老师双手握着我的手臂
就像给我安慰说道，是不是不舒服了？
是啊...当时的我快哭了...
最难的试卷我又肚子痛了...
已经没把握了加上肚子痛
肯定完了...

MCQ Paper
努力的试着专心回答问题...
肚子少少的痛没关系的
突然一粒糖果出现在我考卷上
抬头 Dr.Loo递着糖果给了我一个安慰的微笑
连忙说谢谢回了一个微笑继续回答问题...
Dr.Loo 一直以来都跟我很好
从A Level教我到现在是个好老师
那粒糖果让我很感动...

接下来 short essay questions
一小时要回答8题
我根本没时间
没时间肚子痛没时间可以想
我懂我自己在写什么
没有point 想不到重要字眼...
我也来不及做完
虽然没有放弃但时间不够
我也想不到了
有些只写mainpoint 没有解释

交了考卷放空...
应该很开心但我没有
考完了main subject
剩下的不难了
基本上可以轻松了开心了
...

肚子痛...

回到家
趴在床上放声大哭咯~
哈哈 piao被吓到
一直说我会考很好的
什么幸运星都出来安慰我
："好笑..." 我回答~
继续哭~~ =)

过后他们出门了
一个人在家又哭了~
妈妈打来了不可以哭
我忍~
他以为我是肚子痛到哭了
问我要不要他来照顾我
哈哈~ 感动到~
还以为妈妈会担心我的考试
原来我才是最重要的 =)

。。。

我美吗？
我长痘痘丑丑了吗？
我卷发很乱吗？
我穿这样出门吃宵夜可以吗？

我就是我啊，再丑的我还是我啊...
不喜欢就别看啊... =)

我重要吗？

Happy Birthday, Darnie~~

2010-05-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

I am so sorry that your present is late!!!! for 1 hour....
sorry sorry....

This birthday, due to our final exams....
we can't able to meet on your birthday and celebrate for you~
sorry dear..
although I having my 1st paper today...
I won't forget about your present... =)

Hope you like it...
I used 5 hours to make it~

I love you &
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
may your dream comes true~
muacksxx!!! ^^

I saw him today~

2010-05-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

yes...
I saw him today
I really saw him today~
when I just came out from my hostel
heading to sch for frisbee~

Audi A4...
White in colour...
number plate 111...
PHS...?
I texted my bro & asked him~
is that him?

the next moment~
my bro called me...
yes~~ that's him...
"very cool right?"
yea... his car really cool~~
& so so so...
& I was driving~

It's so "cool" that I met him in penang!!
(I don't know how to describe the feeling)
it's like....
it has been a long time~
U want for something~
U hope for a conversation...
even only some coincidence to happen
even only a smile from him~
so that u can have chances to know more about a guy~
or have chances to look into his eyes for a moment...
even only a chance to call him~

"二哥..."
yea... it's him...
my 2nd bro...

I passed by his car
& trying to look into his car~
I purposely took out my spec~
but I see nothing~
his car mirror or window is too dark~
but I hope that he saw me....

I always wonder...
how he think of me in his mind
cute?
or only hate?

but he is always great in my mind...
I like him...
I don't know why..
I hope that I can get some love from him...
I mean love between sibling~

I always hope that I can have more love from my brothers...
I always imagine that,
It's real blisful if I can own my brothers' love...
I like to being pampered by family...
I like to being sayang by brothers...
& this condition only apply to brothers or dad~
not that I don't like my sis~
just that, brothers can give me the safety feel
that no matter what happen to me~
they will always there to protect me...

but,
I know it's hard for him to forgive me...
& I won't blame him...
He should behave like this
I can just hope for that to happen...

bro, do you ever think that...
your youngest sister, me...
hope to get your attention very much?

stay healthy please..

I will always love you~
although you don't... =)

The last day of My Pre-Med

2010-05-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

Ha!!
Last Friday was the last day of my pre-med class!!!!
& it was the presentation day~ on our project~
we had been doing research during this whole semester & dealing with the thesis~
it is really a relieve for all of us after the presentation
& now we can fully concentrate on our final!!! ><

let's talk about that day~
I don't know what's actually happening inside my body~
early in the morning I had diarrhea..
in the class~ while classmates were presenting~
I was not feeling so well~
stomachache~~ @@
probably my endocrine system was functioning well?
adrenaline? too nervous? but i was the last group of the day!!
430pm~~ @@ i keep waiting waiting until i was so damn tired..~ ><
luckily my diarrhea stop after took medicine~
BUT!!! the afternoon section~
I keep rushing to toilet~~ too many 'fluid' huh?!
or I was really so nervous? hhahaha!! omg laa~~

finally, my turn~
wana try to make it in an interesting way
but worry my "interesting" turn out to be "not formal"
haha~~ yea... we (me & sheri) did b4~
has some joke during last presentation~
& yea, everyone laugh
but in the end, lecturer said, that was not formal~ @@ sad..
this time not really dare to try again... haha!! ><

the presentation was quite good, for me...
but the questions part...
sheri did it very well~
it's true that I am not good in presenting myself...
especially my opinion...
luckily I have sheri~ ^^ thanks to her~
she is really a good partner~ =)
as compare to many others...
appreciate..

another thing is~
actually, I love formal attire...
everyone look smart.. seriously~
that's when all of us suddenly become so serious about something~
giving another feeling..
everyone support each other..
& never take it easy~~
can see it from those nervous faces... hahaa!!

actually, I love my classmates...
we have been together for around 9 months~
that's cool~
after final~ we will continue this again in Ireland!

FY2009/2010 Give Your Best! =)

Gonna study really hard for the final~
Try my best to Give my best~
& the GOD will go the rest... ><

wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
final~ I AM COMING!!!!!! XD

My Dad

2010-05-13T05:25:00.000+08:00

I had just received a call from my dad
4.20 in the morning...
& for sure, he just indulging in some alcohol~

he started the conversation by asking me
"what is the time now"
he said that he seldom give me a call
...

he suddenly told me that
he has something that he can't tell my mum, nor my big mum, nor any of his child
but me...
I can feel that he was going to cry...
I can feel that he is really sad
When he told me what is actually happened
I can hear that he was trying hard not to cry~
I can feel that he is blaming himself
although he never told
& I can feel that he feel helpless...
& he is trying to figure out something~

All I can do is just "hm..."
I can't help too~

He talked about mum~
he said he realised that he had neglected my mum for his work..
& his children~
He said he will take more time to accompany my mum~
I am touched.. I felt like crying..
because I always feel that my mum is too lonely...
& I always cry because of that..
I never blamed him~ I know what he is doing, is all for us..
Seriously.. & I know, he feels lonely too...
I trying my best to give them my time even if I really busy
lucky thing is, after my bro found a gf, he really change a lot
He is really good now.. seriously.. especially the way he treat the family..
=) I love my bro~ although there's still something that I hope he can change

towards the end, he mention bout me...
He mention bout the letter!!!
yea.. I did wrote him a letter few months ago..
I thk was around 2 months after I broke up v my ex
That time, I was still emotionally unstable..
although I trying to hide my feeling..
I only told them one month after I broke up with the guy..
my dad was really so worry about me..
he even hug me in his arm n cry with me..
I know he cried.. He loves me really much..
but they never ask me why..
my dad even thought that I am not considerate enough for my ex..
I didnt explain much~ & they didnt ask me at all..
I know they dont wan to hurt me..
After that, I felt that I am really a bad girl if I leave them know bout nothing..
I should be responsible, I should explain everything to them..
that's why I wrote the letter..
I think 3 pages long.. & I told them, my family is still the one for me..
I loves my family a lot..

My dad said he feels really happy..
that I wrote him the letter..
(it's been so long that he didnt reply me anything bout the letter until today~)
he said he really like me the most among his children..
I know.. I can feel that.. =)
I love him a lot too.. ><

Last sunday, I was sleeping by his side..
I dreamt.. nightmare I guess..
& I was like struggling n sobbing in my dream...
he heard.. he woke up & said
"dad is here, dont scare.."
& I heard him calling my mum to look after me..
because mum is awaken..
my mum came & asked me what happen, whether I had nightmare..
I just nod my head.. & she asked me what is all about~
I shake my head & I continue to sleep...
that was really sweet...
although it is a small thing to mention...
& nightmares always there in my sleep..

This is how much I love my family..
It's true..
I can't imagine how my life will be when I go to ireland..
I will miss them like mad...
I can't live without them
& for sure, they can't live their life to the max, without me~
>< the one always make the family cheer~ XP

although these photos are really ugly~~
LOL!! but I love them...
>< ahh... my bro was not wearing his shirt, showing his fats
my dad also not wearing his shirt~ but he has no fats..
my hair was like...........
my mum was the main character! "Happy Mothers Day!"
<3

I wish...
My family members always healthy...

知足～

2010-04-13T16:50:00.000+08:00

梁静茹－知足

怎么去拥有一道彩虹
怎么去拥抱一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能觉得足够

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛

那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱着那一年的歌
那样的回忆那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞

当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛
当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐再不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有
知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛
知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

Move Along!!

2010-04-13T16:46:00.000+08:00

The All-American Rejects

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

Baaahh!!

2010-04-13T15:29:00.000+08:00

Okie,
This is just to give myself some time & calm!

This is so stupid.
I noe I am stupid.
No matter how hard I tried to protect something,
everytime turn out to be so stupid.
EVERYTHING!! friendship, relationship whatever!

not to blame
just found out tat I am stupid..
the one tat always so stupid..
even the truth is so obvious
tried to cheat on myself
tried to trust some people
tat i feel tat it's worth it

fell & stood up
fell again & stood up again..
fell again & again
stood up again & again..

even at this moment,
IF he come to me n tell me
everything is a mistake...
i will still believe him...

is dis stupid?
even i noe dis is impossible too!!

i dont believe all tat!

kie, after all...
I just trust him.

but i noe,
everything move on.

[I don't know what I am talking too..]
@@ ignore dis, LOL.

I Love My Days! XD

2010-03-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

哈~
突然想写部落就跑来了...
我好久都没来这了~
星星滴部落格~你还好吗？=)

最近的我真的很忙~
考试就在下星期五...
我已经两个星期没回家了
上星期六学校有跳舞哦(party in the car park)
这星期六我参加了3对3的篮球比赛
我觉得自己太弱了真笨
我应该敢敢撞下去
敢敢跳上去抢球
怕什么？对不对？
只是有时候我不想要有不必要的受伤
大家都是朋友~
但为了比赛我希望我可以做到...
不然真的太对不起队友了
他们真的很强很拼~
都很耐心的教我谢谢诗丽！
她给我练高球一直重复一直要我跑一直要我跳一定要我接到球一直鼓励我
太爱她了！！ my dear~ ><
当然还有victor,pat...一直守我...
我不觉得辛苦反而很好玩因为我喜欢运动
如果我太差真的对不起哦~ ><
我们尽力吧！
*sheri sarah chiawen shanaz!* all the best for ourself! =)

又要考试了
我虽然已经在准备着了
读了很多次但不懂为什么对自己很没信心
感觉一拿到考卷什么都不会做
真的真的同样的东西我读了大概至少3次
还是觉得我需要再读第4第5次~
应该好好反省一下了...

最近觉得自己很忙~
24小时真的不够用！
是我太浪费时间了吗？
黄嘉雯！要加油！！

chao!
读书去咯~！=)

X.O.X.O
you know I love you!

I Live My Life to the Max!! XD
Everyday is a Special day for me!!

[Pinky-purplish evening sky after bball <3]

It's 230am & worth it...

2010-03-08T01:28:00.000+08:00

Weeeee.....
Finally I have my time to blog~
Sorry to my sweet sweet blog
I have been neglecting you for a long long time...

Recently I really very busy~
busy tillllllllllllllll, almost can't breath ( I noe dis is too much, LOL)
I feel that I almost can't catch up with my studies
Not that I don't und what lectures had taught
just that I don't really have much time to revise & making notes...
Tutorial need to pass up, assignment need to do, report need to write
somemore I need to eat, need to sleep, need to talk, need to play~ LOL

I feel very happy for the past few days
although I not feeling well (gal's sick ^^)
but was great to be mummy's gal...
mumma flew to pg after she received my "cried my heart out" phone call~
me, bro, his gf brought mumma to watch movie~ (I guess dis is the 1st time)
& they brought me back to pg,since my car left in pg...
it's great for being together...

My pappa...
If I have the chance,
I wish that I can bring you out for a movie too...
I wish that you are free to have family outing v us too...
I really love you much~
I know you sayang me the most...
don't ever tell me those silly words that when u goin to die..
I still can't accept that..
Sorry, I really nid to say sorry to you..
I wish I can talk more to you..
although I seldom call you doesn't mean that I don't care about you..
I hope the letter can make you happy and und me~
Love you like I always do...

________________________________________________________________________

Recently
I always hang out v peinee & piao..
we trying to study together..
it always works for me n peinee..
but for piao~ she still nid to be more effective~
LOL~~ piao, we noe u can..
study hard & work hard...
WE will always SUPPORT you!!!
you noe we love u always..
be tough, gal..

still the same..
I always found my "peace" in this house...
吵吵闹闹的时间过得很快
大家都很开心

_________________________________________________________________________________________

我看了你的部落
我真的很想哭
我不懂为什么我就是很想哭
虽然我懂我懂你我是别人都替代不了的
但我就是很伤心
是我自私吗我不懂
我想除了你对我来说
谁都不再有意义了都不再重要了
这也许对其他人来说这很不公平对不起
但却没人懂那个感觉
你给我的那个感觉就只有你可以
我也摸不着...

我不懂我在外国过的日子会是怎样
我很害怕
你懂我在怕什么说不上但你应该懂
那恐怕可以让我们哭个整夜吧...
你看了这可别哭哦
那时候换我告诉你
我...过的很好...

我会不懂你吗？
我只希望你开心...
回过头来你懂我一直都会在...
=)

有时
虽然我气我还是站在你后面...

just..stay close,don't go...
love.

Happy CNY~ ^^

2010-02-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

I JUST LOVE THIS!! XD

Woooooooo Hooooooo~~!!!

Happy Chinese New Year for all of you!
Well, although i am late a bit but still better than none right?? XP
I Wish all of you have a great year & all the best in everything you do! X)

For me,
I hope that I can be a better person in every way
I wan to learn to save up my money~ although i trying all the time, but never success
I wan to study hard for my goal, that's to become a great doctor v a lot of knowledge
I wan to be a good daughter too!! although i am~ LOL!!

Ok~~ now, lets talk about CNY!! ^^
This CNY is really diff with those previous 1~

1st, it's diff home!! which we used to out for whole day long & never invite ppl to my house~
this year, I can hav my babies all with me!! staying together!! whole night!! pillow talk!! LOL!!
I wanted dis for so long already~~ >< woo hooo!!!
2nd, I hav grown up to be an understanding gal~ Who said that New Year must wear new clothes?! LOL~ Although I bought some new clothes~ but i found that none of them suit CNY mood.. >< so~ my chu 1 & chu 2 I didn't wear my new clothes!! & u noe wat? I found it COOL!! LOL!! XP wooo hooo!!!

my curly hair?!! oh noo... LOL!! sorry to peinee & soohua.. wat I told u was not the truth~ ><
Actually dis is the post-effect after i tie up my hair for whole day long! XP hahaha!! nice,huh?!

here comes my outing with my beloved babies!!! wooo hooo!!!

Finally, after a long long long time~ 6 of us r able to date again!! XD I have been waiting for dis day since age ago~ >< Since we all started our college life, i know we will be hardly gather again~ I mean 6 of us together.. not less a single 1~ Happy Family!! ^^
i keep telling burn tat i wana take 全家福 coz knowing the possibility that I might not celebrating the nex CNY together v them d~ >< haha! tat's sad~
Now~ I got those photos with me!! wooo hoooo!! yeahh!! XD

I had a great time with them!!
I can proudly say : I love them FOREVER!! XD

muacksxx!!! X.O.X.O

For you, my darnie..

2010-02-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

Supposedly, the first post I were going to write is about my chinese new year...
but after i took a glance at my soohua's facebook photos
I decided to dedicate this post for her..

Darnie,
I really feel sad after I have a look at your photos. It's really all about him.(wait, I am not jealous about anything) I feel that your life is all about him. I don't know how you gonna make through it if you really break up with him. I am sad because i know, that will be very hard for you to forget him. I felt the sweetness through the photo that you took v him. But then, having to know about his temper I really sad. I wonder how he can bully such a lovely & adorable girl. It's true dear, you are the prettiest girl for me. Whenever I look through your photos, I wonder how lucky i am to own you as my best best best ever friend. Anyway, 'friend' can never perfectly describe you anymore. But well, that's not the point.

The point is, I don't hope that you ended up with him. This is because I know, I know that will be too hard for you. & I know that he is really not a bad guy. But.. I don't want him to bully you anymore, & I can't do anything to change him. I just can't do anything to help you! I don't wan you to cry, I don't wan you to sad always..

Baby, it's really hard for you. Be tough, k? No matter how, I will always support you. I know I might not make things better, but you can always count on me. My shoulder is always there, ready for you. Even when you are in KL. Don't hesitate to give me a call, whenever you need me.

You know I love you. & I really do.

All the best for you, dear..
Stay Cheer~ =)

Have a look at our 1st couple photo... ><

& i love this.. XP